Affirmation

Today, i was unpacking and i came across the scrap book my kids at KUMC of GW gave to me as when i was moving back to Hawaii.
When i first read it, it made me cry with the letters and words those kids said to me.
I read it once more when i arrived in Hawaii, and it again moved me to tears.
I haven't looked at it since, until today.

I looked through it, read all the things the kids wrote to me.
It didn't make me sad as it once did.
It did, however, bring in a sense of relief.

I doubted so many times during my years there that i was actually doing something good. I never felt i was accomplished enough, never felt i was doing the right thing (which is how i still feel.)

I spent countless of hours trying to help them, and i never felt i was reaching them, let alone helping them.

Some times, I thought of quitting.
Many times i felt (and still feel) that the call from God is far greater than i could ever handle.

3 years of my life was spent pouring out my life to these kids.

And by the grace of God, and through God, i touched the lives of those young people. Those words of affirmation were great to read. And it reminded me, no matter how or incompetent i feel, that God uses the weak to lead the strong. As long as i continue to press on, God will work through me and for me.
I do what's possible and God will take care of the impossible. We're a tag team like that. (hehe.)

Ministry is such a thankless career choice. We don't know how we're affecting the lives of the people we serve. When we give all we have to the people we serve, sometimes we don't receive the thanks that we may feel we deserve.
But that's not why we do these things.
We don't store our treasures here on earth,
but we store them in heaven.
I do this for God.
I do this to serve God, and therefore serve the people that God has entrusted in my care.
Though people may never thank me for the work i may do, that doesn't (and shouldn't) bother me and i don't seek the approval of people.
My aim and purpose is to bring people closer to God and help them along their walk with their faith.
While it's nice to hear thank yous and what not, but in the end, more than any thank yous to people i served and touched, what i want to hear the most is "well done, my good and faithful son, well done." And that is what i strive for.

Lack of Updates

We're in the process of moving into the new house.
I have no internet access at the new place yet. So it's getting in the way of wasting time on the internet (which is one of my favorite things to do).

i just thought i'd update the few of you.

I'm about to go down to Waipahu to pick up an armoir (i have no idea what that is, or if it even is spelled correctly). This church member is donating it to us, so we'd took him up on the offer.

It's nice getting settled in and stuff.

Can't wait til everything is set up...

It's Friday!

Tonight is our Praise Night. I want to come up with a different name instead of the generic "Praise Night." In DC, my colleague held called his "praise night" NeXus. It stood for Next Generation is Us.
It's also a hair product, i believe. But i still like that, The Next Generation is Us.

I have the songs ready and i have the message prepared. Basically, i'm really looking forward to tonight.
As soon as i'm done posting this, i'm walking back to church (am at the starbucks across the street) and start going through the songs and the message. I have 2 hrs before the praise band comes.
I feel excited for tonight. More than usual. I just need to now prepare my heart for worship.

I love leading praise. There's something so powerful about it. And it's more exciting when i see young people share in the joy and love of God with me. It's a moving experience. And there's power in music. But sometimes, we make the mistake of limiting worship just to the praise. Worship is that and much more.

To worship is to change.
When we are in the presence of God, when we meet God, it's impossible for us to leave being the same.

I wish everyone well.

Where the Grass is Green

So every Wednesday (so far this year) i've been sitting at Starbucks getting work done before our Wednesday service begins. The Starbucks is right across the street from the church, so it's convenient. I invite the kids to come and study with me, and so far only one has taken up on that offer. It's better that way, because then i get work done. And the youth that comes in, he's quite introverted, so he just sits there and does his work. I once in a while interrupt him to see what he's working on and how he's doing. I like it better this way.

So i was reading my friend's blog and she was writing about the "Secret."
And i posted a comment, but it got me thinking.

We are very jealous and envious creatures. I guess that's why Jesus tells us to guard our hearts against all kinds of greed.
I notice how it seeps into pastors and ministries.
Too many pastors put emphasis on the size of their ministry: The size of the church building, the size of the budget, the size of the members. For a church to be successful, it seems like it has to be big. (I don't think a church should be defined as "successful" in my opinion. I like the term "effective. But that's just me.)

When the church across from you is blessed with a revival and growth, it's easy to get envious of that church and that pastor. It's easy to say, what is she doing that i'm not? What's he got that i don't? And then it's easy to think, well if i had what she has, i'd be just as effective...

I think that's why so many people just end up leaving churches for others.
We compare with other churches, and see what that church has to offer compared to the current church.
That church has a lot of people, and this one doesn't, i think i fit better with that church.
This church has some political problems, that church seems to get along, i'd better switch.

But we never realize that when we move to a different church or a different job, we switch old problems with new ones. We turn in one set of problems at the old site only to receive a whole new set at the new site.

It's sad how we can't be happy with what we have. And i speak for me too.
We always want something newer, something bigger and something faster. The problem with that is, the new gets old and there's always going to be something bigger and faster.

Too many times we count what we don't have, and we missed how blessed we truly are.

And when we have God, God is more than enough.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
And how true are those words. When we have God in our lives, what more could we ask for?

We always think that the grass is greener on the other side.
But the truth is, the grass is greener where we water it.


(Thoughts from Max Lucado and Doug Fields are interwoven with my thoughts on this post. Just thought I'd let you know.)

It's Wednesday

This week is moving slow. Or actually i feel like i'm moving slow.
I just feel lazy, and that's not good.
I have all these things to do, but i'm putting it off. Which is real bad.

Today, our bed comes in. Yay. I guess then we can start living in the new place. We spent all of yesterday cleaning up the place. That was a lot more tiring than i thought.

Today, i missed Mass. Not because i slept in, but because my brother took a shower this morning. By the time he came out, it was already too late.
So instead, i read a little scripture and spent time in prayer. But no gym. haha. It's raining. I didn't feel like going out.

I just have tons of things to do.
I have to prepare 3 sermons and a bible study.
We have our praise night this Friday, and i'm going to give a short message. I'm looking forward to this praise night. It's been a while since we had one.
The praise night message, i think, will be about love and worship.

And then i have the two Sunday sermons to prepare for.
In other words, i have no time to dilly dally.
but dilly-dallying is one of my favorite things to do.

This picture really touched me.
Although Dwight Howard was totally jobbed from the dunk contest. (MJ, what were you thinking?)


I can do everything through him who gives me strength

Whew

I am tired.
I sprained my ankle pretty severely last December. (I made a trip to the ER because i thought i may have broken something).

So i stopped all physical activities.
Until today.
Today was our flag football day.
I couldn't keep up, and i felt really upset that i couldn't. No matter how old you are, i don't think the competitive spirit ever goes away... well maybe that applies to me. I don't like losing. Especially to my youth kids... well anyone, actually...

anyway, i realized that i'm terribly out of shape. Not to mention the rolls that are forming in my midsection. I used to be fit.. *sigh*

This brings me to the topic of Lent.
I know way too many people that treat Lent as a short term New Years resolution type of deal. Like giving up chocolates or fast food. I'm not saying that's bad, but they don't apply that in being closer to God, or reflecting on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. And of course, i did that quite often.

Well, this year, i was going to hit the gym faithfully, until i started asking myself, how does that help me spiritually?
And i couldn't really come up with an answer that would satisfy me.

So this Lenten Season, I decided to wake up early and attend Mass at a nearby church. Instead of taking something away, i decided to add something onto my daily routines that will bring me closer to God.
I never attended Mass before, and that was the only morning option i had. I could've gone to our Early Morning Prayer service that my dad's church holds and my current church holds... but the entire thing is in Korean... AND it's at 530 in the morning, whereas Mass is at 8am.
I just need to be tactful and discipline in my Spiritual life, and i figure this was a great way to jump start that.

AND, if i feel up to it, i'll hit the gym after Mass. however, i feel that it's a big "if"...

Moving In

We can start moving in this week.
I'm just too busy to actually move in, but it's nice to know we finally have a place to call our own.
The house is big, especially by Hawaii standards, and the rent is not too bad.

Looks like i'm really growing up now.

I told the wife the next logical step is to have a baby.

she disagrees.

It's Late

And that's never good for me, because that's when the mind just starts to wander.
Tomorrow, the Wife has an interview with the Department of Education. She's trying to get a job as a teacher. I hope that is what God has in store for us.

Also, tomorrow my dad is going to the hospital to check his prostate gland. Something about his blood count or whatever being higher than it should, and when that happens, cancer is likely.
It's just a little... i don't know... i can't find the word.

I am hoping for the best scenario, but i can't keep from my head the worst scenario.
And i'm sure that's in part because it's so late.

I don't know when it happens, but it's an age of recognition when you realize that your dad isn't the superman you once thought he was.
Given my Superman obsession, maybe my kids'll think i'm Superman for a while.
Though he may not be able to bend steel with his bare hands, be faster than a speeding bullet, or jump tall buildings in a single bound (Superman, originally, couldn't fly. He just jumped really high and really far. that's why it's jump tall buildings in a single bound) but my dad is still the Superman i thought he was when i was little.

Everything is going to be fine.
And to add a cherry on top, perhaps the Wife will be employed.

Finances

I worry too much about finances.
I wish i didn't. It just adds unnecessary stress.
But the truth is, it's hard to make a living with the salary i am given. Maybe if i lived by myself.
But at the same time, my parents have done this for years, and with my mother never earning a second source of income.
How?
Through prayer. My dad is a prayer and fasting warrior. And it's so amazing how prayers are answered for my family and father.
My dad resigned from a church when we used to live in Santa Barbara through unnecessary church politics that would not allow my dad to do God's ministry.

My dad was later given a church to start from scratch. Basically, my dad had no income for his family. What did my dad do? Turn to prayer and fasting.
What happened?
He got a call from a family in Orange County who once heard my dad speak at a revival. Called and said that he felt moved to provide some financial help for my dad and his family. That family in OC gave my father 2000 a month for about 2 years.

I don't know how my dad felt during those times. I don't know if he felt as anxious as i do quite often. I can learn from him, though.
Turning to prayer can help... i don't expect God to send money my way, but i do expect the 'peace of God that transcends all human understanding will guard [my] heart in Christ Jesus.'

I just put too much worry and anxiety into this.
And every time, i have certain passages that come to heart.
Such as, do not worry, for even the sparrows are taken care of, and how much more precious am i than the birds (paraphrasing).

I just need to worry less and trust more.