I was talking to a friend about Ethics class in seminary. He was asking me about the professor he has, whom i also had for my ethics.
Dr. Wheeler was one of my favorite professors at Wesley and i really learned a lot from her.
Two of my proudest moments in Seminary were:
In preaching class, Dr. McClain looked at me square in the eye after i gave a sermon in front of him and the class (we had to preach a sermon, then after we were done, the entire class sits in front of you and they tell you what they liked and what they didn't like, and the professor lays his final judgment, s0-to-speak) and Dr. McClain says to me (i've been intimidated by his presence all semester) "you can preach, boy. don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."
Another proud moment was when i received an A on an Ethics paper in Dr. Wheeler's class. The paper was a sermon on homosexuality and she really liked it, and even suggested that i preach to the youth kids.
So after much thinking, i finally decided i would do so. I knew that i was going to leave the church in about a month or two, and i just wanted the kids to know that we are called to love any and every one.
So i went and preached that sermon.
And i did a fairly good job preaching it.
After i was done, that's when the drama ensued.
The head youth pastor called my and the other part-time youth pastor and fellow seminarian into his office and sat us down and locked the door.
He started yelling at me about how i was promoting homosexuality to the kids and how i was going against his teachings. He was upset that because he thought i told the kids to go to see Brokeback Mountain, because he told the kids not to go see it because of the homosexual content. In my sermon i said, "we were told not to go see Brokeback Mountain. I feel we shouldn't see it because it's another way Hollywood promotes and glorifies extra-marital affairs."
Then he started attacking the things that i preached, and how i use the pulpit improperly. I was rather offended, because he, a month ago preached to the kids that interfaith marriage is unclean, and if a Christian marries a non-Christian, it was light mixing with darkness. He fully knew that they were more than a handful of kids who had a parent that didn't go to church. He also knew that one of the students sitting there had a hard time coming to church because her mom was dead against Christianity. Not only that, he once told us that a student came to him and was struggling with his sexual identity and wasn't sure if he was homosexual or not. The very next Sunday, he prays (from nowhere, really) "May you convict the hearts of the homosexuals. Have them turn from their evil ways and let them see the light."
Since he never revealed the identity of the kid, i was praying that that kid was not present when that prayer was prayed.
He then basically banned me from preaching to the high school kids (we had a separate worship on Sundays for jr. high and sr. high). I said fine, less work for me anyhow, and left the meeting.
Then, he accuses me of swearing at him. He said that i flicked him off as i was leaving the office. The other part-time had his head down, so he didn't see anything, but he confirmed that i did not use any swear words, which i was also accused of. I thought to myself, am i back in jr. high school?
Before i left church that Sunday, i stopped by the Sr. Pastor and wrote him a letter of what happened. I basically said, I preached about homosexuality, the head youth pastor is upset, and some parents might be upset, because he is upset. And i apologized for the headache that i will cause him.
The head youth pastor apparently saw that as a threat and asked me why i went to the senior pastor behind his back. I explained that i wasnt going behind anyones back, but that i was informing the senior pastor so that he doesn't get blindsided just in case someone else was upset as he was over the sermon.
Anyway, that was the end of a long Sunday.
We had a staff meeting on Tuesday, just the three of us, and throughout the meeting, it was as if i never existed. He had his body turned away from me and never acknowledged my presence. When the other part-timer went to the bathroom, he finally acknowledged my presence and said, "i have a meeting with [the senior pastor] today. but don't worry, i won't tell him about the unfortunate event where you swore at me."
I kept my mouth shut, but i thought to myself, i already told the pastor that you thought i swore at you. But i didn't, and the other part-timer witnessed the entire thing and also says that i never swore.
He did go to see the senior pastor. I don't know what he expected to happen, but i knew that it wasn't what he wanted.
I received an email from the senior pastor and he told me that what i did was okay. that he supports my theology and sermon (i had sent him a copy because i was advised to). He said the issue was probably that i preached without the head youth pastor's permission (which i agreed and understood). He said that he asked his son (who was in the youth group) about the sermon. His son replied that it was the best sermon he has heard since he was at KUMC. He was challenged to think differently, and was challenged to just love.
A part of me, honestly, felt good, but mostly relieved that i wasn't in trouble with the senior pastor.
The relationship between myself and the head youth pastor was pretty much non-existent, though i tried my best to restore before i left. (I eventually sent a letter after i moved out, and i was told he was very appreciative of the letter.)
But what i felt the worst about was that he was already in a lot of trouble. There were things that he was doing that even i felt uncomfortable with, and i wasn't supposed to know about it but found out through outside parties.
This disagreement was the straw that broke the camel's back, well that and my leaving too. I'm not saying i was such an integral part... but we had a good yin-yang going on in the youth ministry. We complemented each other fairly well. And at times, i think i served as the buffer zone.
As soon as i left, i heard things from my friend, the other part-timer, that it's not going well. Within 3-4 months, the head youth pastor resigned (with pay for the rest of the year).
It was a sad way to end things... but it was going to happen sooner or later. I just felt bad it had started with me.
I wish he really listened to what i was preaching. I wasn't promoting homosexuality in the sermon.
But what i was promoting was love. We are all God's children, regardless of our race, gender and sexual orientation. And in the eyes of God, we are all sinners, no one is better than the next. We are all given grace, equally and freely. And that we should extend the grace and love we received to our neighbors.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Affirmation
Today, i was unpacking and i came across the scrap book my kids at KUMC of GW gave to me as when i was moving back to Hawaii.
When i first read it, it made me cry with the letters and words those kids said to me.
I read it once more when i arrived in Hawaii, and it again moved me to tears.
I haven't looked at it since, until today.
I looked through it, read all the things the kids wrote to me.
It didn't make me sad as it once did.
It did, however, bring in a sense of relief.
I doubted so many times during my years there that i was actually doing something good. I never felt i was accomplished enough, never felt i was doing the right thing (which is how i still feel.)
I spent countless of hours trying to help them, and i never felt i was reaching them, let alone helping them.
Some times, I thought of quitting.
Many times i felt (and still feel) that the call from God is far greater than i could ever handle.
3 years of my life was spent pouring out my life to these kids.
And by the grace of God, and through God, i touched the lives of those young people. Those words of affirmation were great to read. And it reminded me, no matter how or incompetent i feel, that God uses the weak to lead the strong. As long as i continue to press on, God will work through me and for me.
I do what's possible and God will take care of the impossible. We're a tag team like that. (hehe.)
Ministry is such a thankless career choice. We don't know how we're affecting the lives of the people we serve. When we give all we have to the people we serve, sometimes we don't receive the thanks that we may feel we deserve.
But that's not why we do these things.
We don't store our treasures here on earth,
but we store them in heaven.
I do this for God.
I do this to serve God, and therefore serve the people that God has entrusted in my care.
Though people may never thank me for the work i may do, that doesn't (and shouldn't) bother me and i don't seek the approval of people.
My aim and purpose is to bring people closer to God and help them along their walk with their faith.
While it's nice to hear thank yous and what not, but in the end, more than any thank yous to people i served and touched, what i want to hear the most is "well done, my good and faithful son, well done." And that is what i strive for.
When i first read it, it made me cry with the letters and words those kids said to me.
I read it once more when i arrived in Hawaii, and it again moved me to tears.
I haven't looked at it since, until today.
I looked through it, read all the things the kids wrote to me.
It didn't make me sad as it once did.
It did, however, bring in a sense of relief.
I doubted so many times during my years there that i was actually doing something good. I never felt i was accomplished enough, never felt i was doing the right thing (which is how i still feel.)
I spent countless of hours trying to help them, and i never felt i was reaching them, let alone helping them.
Some times, I thought of quitting.
Many times i felt (and still feel) that the call from God is far greater than i could ever handle.
3 years of my life was spent pouring out my life to these kids.
And by the grace of God, and through God, i touched the lives of those young people. Those words of affirmation were great to read. And it reminded me, no matter how or incompetent i feel, that God uses the weak to lead the strong. As long as i continue to press on, God will work through me and for me.
I do what's possible and God will take care of the impossible. We're a tag team like that. (hehe.)
Ministry is such a thankless career choice. We don't know how we're affecting the lives of the people we serve. When we give all we have to the people we serve, sometimes we don't receive the thanks that we may feel we deserve.
But that's not why we do these things.
We don't store our treasures here on earth,
but we store them in heaven.
I do this for God.
I do this to serve God, and therefore serve the people that God has entrusted in my care.
Though people may never thank me for the work i may do, that doesn't (and shouldn't) bother me and i don't seek the approval of people.
My aim and purpose is to bring people closer to God and help them along their walk with their faith.
While it's nice to hear thank yous and what not, but in the end, more than any thank yous to people i served and touched, what i want to hear the most is "well done, my good and faithful son, well done." And that is what i strive for.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Lack of Updates
We're in the process of moving into the new house.
I have no internet access at the new place yet. So it's getting in the way of wasting time on the internet (which is one of my favorite things to do).
i just thought i'd update the few of you.
I'm about to go down to Waipahu to pick up an armoir (i have no idea what that is, or if it even is spelled correctly). This church member is donating it to us, so we'd took him up on the offer.
It's nice getting settled in and stuff.
Can't wait til everything is set up...
I have no internet access at the new place yet. So it's getting in the way of wasting time on the internet (which is one of my favorite things to do).
i just thought i'd update the few of you.
I'm about to go down to Waipahu to pick up an armoir (i have no idea what that is, or if it even is spelled correctly). This church member is donating it to us, so we'd took him up on the offer.
It's nice getting settled in and stuff.
Can't wait til everything is set up...
Friday, February 23, 2007
It's Friday!
Tonight is our Praise Night. I want to come up with a different name instead of the generic "Praise Night." In DC, my colleague held called his "praise night" NeXus. It stood for Next Generation is Us.
It's also a hair product, i believe. But i still like that, The Next Generation is Us.
I have the songs ready and i have the message prepared. Basically, i'm really looking forward to tonight.
As soon as i'm done posting this, i'm walking back to church (am at the starbucks across the street) and start going through the songs and the message. I have 2 hrs before the praise band comes.
I feel excited for tonight. More than usual. I just need to now prepare my heart for worship.
I love leading praise. There's something so powerful about it. And it's more exciting when i see young people share in the joy and love of God with me. It's a moving experience. And there's power in music. But sometimes, we make the mistake of limiting worship just to the praise. Worship is that and much more.
To worship is to change.
When we are in the presence of God, when we meet God, it's impossible for us to leave being the same.
I wish everyone well.
It's also a hair product, i believe. But i still like that, The Next Generation is Us.
I have the songs ready and i have the message prepared. Basically, i'm really looking forward to tonight.
As soon as i'm done posting this, i'm walking back to church (am at the starbucks across the street) and start going through the songs and the message. I have 2 hrs before the praise band comes.
I feel excited for tonight. More than usual. I just need to now prepare my heart for worship.
I love leading praise. There's something so powerful about it. And it's more exciting when i see young people share in the joy and love of God with me. It's a moving experience. And there's power in music. But sometimes, we make the mistake of limiting worship just to the praise. Worship is that and much more.
To worship is to change.
When we are in the presence of God, when we meet God, it's impossible for us to leave being the same.
I wish everyone well.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Where the Grass is Green
So every Wednesday (so far this year) i've been sitting at Starbucks getting work done before our Wednesday service begins. The Starbucks is right across the street from the church, so it's convenient. I invite the kids to come and study with me, and so far only one has taken up on that offer. It's better that way, because then i get work done. And the youth that comes in, he's quite introverted, so he just sits there and does his work. I once in a while interrupt him to see what he's working on and how he's doing. I like it better this way.
So i was reading my friend's blog and she was writing about the "Secret."
And i posted a comment, but it got me thinking.
We are very jealous and envious creatures. I guess that's why Jesus tells us to guard our hearts against all kinds of greed.
I notice how it seeps into pastors and ministries.
Too many pastors put emphasis on the size of their ministry: The size of the church building, the size of the budget, the size of the members. For a church to be successful, it seems like it has to be big. (I don't think a church should be defined as "successful" in my opinion. I like the term "effective. But that's just me.)
When the church across from you is blessed with a revival and growth, it's easy to get envious of that church and that pastor. It's easy to say, what is she doing that i'm not? What's he got that i don't? And then it's easy to think, well if i had what she has, i'd be just as effective...
I think that's why so many people just end up leaving churches for others.
We compare with other churches, and see what that church has to offer compared to the current church.
That church has a lot of people, and this one doesn't, i think i fit better with that church.
This church has some political problems, that church seems to get along, i'd better switch.
But we never realize that when we move to a different church or a different job, we switch old problems with new ones. We turn in one set of problems at the old site only to receive a whole new set at the new site.
It's sad how we can't be happy with what we have. And i speak for me too.
We always want something newer, something bigger and something faster. The problem with that is, the new gets old and there's always going to be something bigger and faster.
Too many times we count what we don't have, and we missed how blessed we truly are.
And when we have God, God is more than enough.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
And how true are those words. When we have God in our lives, what more could we ask for?
We always think that the grass is greener on the other side.
But the truth is, the grass is greener where we water it.
(Thoughts from Max Lucado and Doug Fields are interwoven with my thoughts on this post. Just thought I'd let you know.)
So i was reading my friend's blog and she was writing about the "Secret."
And i posted a comment, but it got me thinking.
We are very jealous and envious creatures. I guess that's why Jesus tells us to guard our hearts against all kinds of greed.
I notice how it seeps into pastors and ministries.
Too many pastors put emphasis on the size of their ministry: The size of the church building, the size of the budget, the size of the members. For a church to be successful, it seems like it has to be big. (I don't think a church should be defined as "successful" in my opinion. I like the term "effective. But that's just me.)
When the church across from you is blessed with a revival and growth, it's easy to get envious of that church and that pastor. It's easy to say, what is she doing that i'm not? What's he got that i don't? And then it's easy to think, well if i had what she has, i'd be just as effective...
I think that's why so many people just end up leaving churches for others.
We compare with other churches, and see what that church has to offer compared to the current church.
That church has a lot of people, and this one doesn't, i think i fit better with that church.
This church has some political problems, that church seems to get along, i'd better switch.
But we never realize that when we move to a different church or a different job, we switch old problems with new ones. We turn in one set of problems at the old site only to receive a whole new set at the new site.
It's sad how we can't be happy with what we have. And i speak for me too.
We always want something newer, something bigger and something faster. The problem with that is, the new gets old and there's always going to be something bigger and faster.
Too many times we count what we don't have, and we missed how blessed we truly are.
And when we have God, God is more than enough.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
And how true are those words. When we have God in our lives, what more could we ask for?
We always think that the grass is greener on the other side.
But the truth is, the grass is greener where we water it.
(Thoughts from Max Lucado and Doug Fields are interwoven with my thoughts on this post. Just thought I'd let you know.)
It's Wednesday
This week is moving slow. Or actually i feel like i'm moving slow.
I just feel lazy, and that's not good.
I have all these things to do, but i'm putting it off. Which is real bad.
Today, our bed comes in. Yay. I guess then we can start living in the new place. We spent all of yesterday cleaning up the place. That was a lot more tiring than i thought.
Today, i missed Mass. Not because i slept in, but because my brother took a shower this morning. By the time he came out, it was already too late.
So instead, i read a little scripture and spent time in prayer. But no gym. haha. It's raining. I didn't feel like going out.
I just have tons of things to do.
I have to prepare 3 sermons and a bible study.
We have our praise night this Friday, and i'm going to give a short message. I'm looking forward to this praise night. It's been a while since we had one.
The praise night message, i think, will be about love and worship.
And then i have the two Sunday sermons to prepare for.
In other words, i have no time to dilly dally.
but dilly-dallying is one of my favorite things to do.
I just feel lazy, and that's not good.
I have all these things to do, but i'm putting it off. Which is real bad.
Today, our bed comes in. Yay. I guess then we can start living in the new place. We spent all of yesterday cleaning up the place. That was a lot more tiring than i thought.
Today, i missed Mass. Not because i slept in, but because my brother took a shower this morning. By the time he came out, it was already too late.
So instead, i read a little scripture and spent time in prayer. But no gym. haha. It's raining. I didn't feel like going out.
I just have tons of things to do.
I have to prepare 3 sermons and a bible study.
We have our praise night this Friday, and i'm going to give a short message. I'm looking forward to this praise night. It's been a while since we had one.
The praise night message, i think, will be about love and worship.
And then i have the two Sunday sermons to prepare for.
In other words, i have no time to dilly dally.
but dilly-dallying is one of my favorite things to do.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Whew
I am tired.
I sprained my ankle pretty severely last December. (I made a trip to the ER because i thought i may have broken something).
So i stopped all physical activities.
Until today.
Today was our flag football day.
I couldn't keep up, and i felt really upset that i couldn't. No matter how old you are, i don't think the competitive spirit ever goes away... well maybe that applies to me. I don't like losing. Especially to my youth kids... well anyone, actually...
anyway, i realized that i'm terribly out of shape. Not to mention the rolls that are forming in my midsection. I used to be fit.. *sigh*
This brings me to the topic of Lent.
I know way too many people that treat Lent as a short term New Years resolution type of deal. Like giving up chocolates or fast food. I'm not saying that's bad, but they don't apply that in being closer to God, or reflecting on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. And of course, i did that quite often.
Well, this year, i was going to hit the gym faithfully, until i started asking myself, how does that help me spiritually?
And i couldn't really come up with an answer that would satisfy me.
So this Lenten Season, I decided to wake up early and attend Mass at a nearby church. Instead of taking something away, i decided to add something onto my daily routines that will bring me closer to God.
I never attended Mass before, and that was the only morning option i had. I could've gone to our Early Morning Prayer service that my dad's church holds and my current church holds... but the entire thing is in Korean... AND it's at 530 in the morning, whereas Mass is at 8am.
I just need to be tactful and discipline in my Spiritual life, and i figure this was a great way to jump start that.
AND, if i feel up to it, i'll hit the gym after Mass. however, i feel that it's a big "if"...
I sprained my ankle pretty severely last December. (I made a trip to the ER because i thought i may have broken something).
So i stopped all physical activities.
Until today.
Today was our flag football day.
I couldn't keep up, and i felt really upset that i couldn't. No matter how old you are, i don't think the competitive spirit ever goes away... well maybe that applies to me. I don't like losing. Especially to my youth kids... well anyone, actually...
anyway, i realized that i'm terribly out of shape. Not to mention the rolls that are forming in my midsection. I used to be fit.. *sigh*
This brings me to the topic of Lent.
I know way too many people that treat Lent as a short term New Years resolution type of deal. Like giving up chocolates or fast food. I'm not saying that's bad, but they don't apply that in being closer to God, or reflecting on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. And of course, i did that quite often.
Well, this year, i was going to hit the gym faithfully, until i started asking myself, how does that help me spiritually?
And i couldn't really come up with an answer that would satisfy me.
So this Lenten Season, I decided to wake up early and attend Mass at a nearby church. Instead of taking something away, i decided to add something onto my daily routines that will bring me closer to God.
I never attended Mass before, and that was the only morning option i had. I could've gone to our Early Morning Prayer service that my dad's church holds and my current church holds... but the entire thing is in Korean... AND it's at 530 in the morning, whereas Mass is at 8am.
I just need to be tactful and discipline in my Spiritual life, and i figure this was a great way to jump start that.
AND, if i feel up to it, i'll hit the gym after Mass. however, i feel that it's a big "if"...
Moving In
We can start moving in this week.
I'm just too busy to actually move in, but it's nice to know we finally have a place to call our own.
The house is big, especially by Hawaii standards, and the rent is not too bad.
Looks like i'm really growing up now.
I told the wife the next logical step is to have a baby.
she disagrees.
I'm just too busy to actually move in, but it's nice to know we finally have a place to call our own.
The house is big, especially by Hawaii standards, and the rent is not too bad.
Looks like i'm really growing up now.
I told the wife the next logical step is to have a baby.
she disagrees.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
It's Late
And that's never good for me, because that's when the mind just starts to wander.
Tomorrow, the Wife has an interview with the Department of Education. She's trying to get a job as a teacher. I hope that is what God has in store for us.
Also, tomorrow my dad is going to the hospital to check his prostate gland. Something about his blood count or whatever being higher than it should, and when that happens, cancer is likely.
It's just a little... i don't know... i can't find the word.
I am hoping for the best scenario, but i can't keep from my head the worst scenario.
And i'm sure that's in part because it's so late.
I don't know when it happens, but it's an age of recognition when you realize that your dad isn't the superman you once thought he was.
Given my Superman obsession, maybe my kids'll think i'm Superman for a while.
Though he may not be able to bend steel with his bare hands, be faster than a speeding bullet, or jump tall buildings in a single bound (Superman, originally, couldn't fly. He just jumped really high and really far. that's why it's jump tall buildings in a single bound) but my dad is still the Superman i thought he was when i was little.
Everything is going to be fine.
And to add a cherry on top, perhaps the Wife will be employed.
Tomorrow, the Wife has an interview with the Department of Education. She's trying to get a job as a teacher. I hope that is what God has in store for us.
Also, tomorrow my dad is going to the hospital to check his prostate gland. Something about his blood count or whatever being higher than it should, and when that happens, cancer is likely.
It's just a little... i don't know... i can't find the word.
I am hoping for the best scenario, but i can't keep from my head the worst scenario.
And i'm sure that's in part because it's so late.
I don't know when it happens, but it's an age of recognition when you realize that your dad isn't the superman you once thought he was.
Given my Superman obsession, maybe my kids'll think i'm Superman for a while.
Though he may not be able to bend steel with his bare hands, be faster than a speeding bullet, or jump tall buildings in a single bound (Superman, originally, couldn't fly. He just jumped really high and really far. that's why it's jump tall buildings in a single bound) but my dad is still the Superman i thought he was when i was little.
Everything is going to be fine.
And to add a cherry on top, perhaps the Wife will be employed.
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