I am Moving

After much thought, I decided that I am moving to wordpress.com.

I thought about it when I first started this blog... eventually deleted my wordpress blog... which means that I couldn't use the original url i wanted to.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but please come and visit me at:


http://pressingtoward.wordpress.com

Mac-Converter

I think Macintosh should pay me something...

It's a sad reality, but I've done more "evangelism" for Macs than I did for God.
In my year in Hawaii, I've convinced my friend's then girlfriend to get a mac. I convinced my brother to get a mac. I'm almost done convincing one of my youth workers to get a mac for her grad school career. I'm getting another leader to reconsider her position in buying a pc laptop.

Maybe I picked the wrong career.
Just kidding.

I think it's a safe bet to think that if Jesus was here today, in 2007, he'd carry around a mac.

Care to Share Your Thoughts?

I know it's been posted in other UMC blogs and it's been a hot subject...
The reappointment of Rev. Ann Gordon as Rev. Drew Phoenix in Baltimore.
I don't know how to make of this, or think of it.
So maybe if you share your insights and thoughts, it can only help me, right?

Banner Design

Ok, I can't design anything worth crap.
But we're ordering a banner from Korea (because it's much cheaper. Like an 8' by 2' banner is going to cost us about 50 dollars where as here in the US, i dont think we can get it for that cheap.)

Anyway, we didn't have time to ask one of the many talented kids at our youth group to design a banner, which will be displayed at retreats and revivals and other big functions.

The team nominated me (i have no idea why) to make one, so I played around with MS word (yes... MS word... ) to find something.
We settled, but it doesn't like that bad.
So this is the final product:



At first, i was like... aw man, what if someone think it says "Match STRTKE Ministry."

So I tried to play around with it (this looks awfully plain... but still)

Since the entire name has 3 T's, i thought i could make the cross into a big T.


As soon as I finished, I looked at it, and i couldn't stop laughing. The wife thought i was going crazy.

I just imagined this being displayed on such a big banner.

A part of me still wanted to push the second design...
Does anyone else see what's wrong/funny with the second design?

Effective Sermons

Going along with the previous sermon, what makes a sermon effective for you?

Also, today, i woke up to some sad news. Somebody went through my car, that was parked in the drive way, and stole my iPod.
I carried that thing everywhere with me... but now I no longer have the iPod.

What Do You Look for in a Preacher?

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been real busy.
Tomorrow.. er.. today kicks off our "fishing expeditions" (as Rev. Hamilton would call it).
Not only that, I'm in the midst of preparing for two retreats. It's getting crazy.

Since we are trying to reach out to our community and may have few new comers here and there, I began to ask, what would you look for in a preacher? Or expect from a preacher (whilst he preaches)?

What qualities do you think makes a good preacher?

What qualities do you think take away from the Word of God?

I would appreciate your thoughts and feedback.

Finally, a Step Forward

Today I am (finally) a certified candidate.

It was kind of intimidating when I walked into the room with all the people waiting for me. They asked me all sorts of questions based on what I wrote, and I answered them as best as I could, at times, I felt I may be saying too much and that it was going to hurt me, like my Wesley Newsletter incident.

As they told me that they unanimously approved me, they gave me four affirmations.

One of them was that they enjoyed my honesty and found it refreshing and asked me to never let it water down.
I kind of thought that was funny. I told that too my wife on the drive home. She said that some of our college students like me because I'm refreshingly honest. I found that even funnier.

I never knew I was "refreshingly honest." I still don't think I am. But I do know who I am, and I like it. (I don't know if that sounds conceited). I like me. Sometimes.
And I don't like changing who I am for others just for the sake of being liked.
I don't like holding back what I have to say just for the sake of people not liking me or people getting offended. Over the years, I have gotten better at what to say and what NOT to say.
Someone is always going to get offended at what my opinion may be. But if I have to always worry about offending someone, I won't ever be able to be me. And I like being me. (sometimes).

They also suggested that I look into being appointed as a local pastor. I expressed the desire (and the need) for our students at my church to partake in Communion, but in a way they understand what it means. They have to do Communion with the adults and it's in a language they can't understand fully (Korean language with Theology sprinkled on it). So Communion to them has become something that they just go through the motions of and not understand the importance and the wonder of it all.

I'm a step closer to ordination, yet it all seems so far away.

Moving On

It's been a while since I've updated.
Tomorrow, I have my meeting/interview with dCOM.
I'm just glad that I'm finally getting the ball moving on the whole ordination process.

As I evaluate my life and my calling, I find myself wanting to move away from youth ministry. I still love working with the youth, but I think I'm just preparing myself for the next part of my life.

If I become a senior pastor of a congregation, I'd still make sure that our youth ministry will be a strong part of our church.

But, this is not really my choice, is it?

I will go wherever I'm called to go.

Korean Congregations Killing Pastors

Yes. That's how I strongly feel.
Korean congregations, for the most part, are not pastor friendly. It's ridiculous of what they expect and want from their pastors.

There's no room for error nor grace.
Many Korean pastors I know sacrifice their families to run their ministries. That's a ridiculous concept. Some pastors I know even glorify their decision. In my opinion, that is NOT the way to do things, because ministry starts at home. But the more I am involved in Korean congregations, the more I see that, for the majority of the Korean pastors, there is no room to serve both family and ministry because of the demands that the people put on them.

This is what I feel, that the church knows they are not perfect, but they don't really want to be. They'd rather see it in their leader.

The congregation drives around in a BMW. The pastor bought a volvo, the congregation complained that a volvo is too pricey of a car for the pastor to drive. if the pastor has enough money to buy a volvo, the church is paying the pastor too much.

The congregation carry designer purses such as Coach etc. The pastor's wife carries around a real Louis Vuitton and the congregation believes that the pastor's wife should carry fake bags at best.

The congregation, expects, no demands, that they have vacation time from their jobs. But refuses to see why their pastor needs to take vacations.
I'm actually afraid to go and ask how many weeks of vacation I get in a year, since I'm not appointed and a local church hire.
Even more to actually say I'm going on vacation because the senior pastor doesn't take one (WHICH IS FREAKING RIDICULOUS!!!!!!), either because he can't nor he doesn't want to (WHICH IS STILL FRIGGIN RIDICULOUS!!!).

This is why many second generation Korean pastors leave the Korean congregation or the ministry altogether, because people should not and cannot function in such conditions.
Korean pastors with healthy families seem rare and that is saddening.

I know that there are problems within all cultures and congregations. This is just one of the bigger ones in my context and I wish there were ways to teach the Korean congregation that pastors are human, pastors make mistakes, pastors have the same (similar) needs and desires as everyone else.

A part of me is praying that after I get ordained, I will not have anything to do with the Korean church. This thought saddens me.

Little Things

This is what I've been concentrating on, recently.
The little things, because little things go a long way.
I've been turned off by evangelists who proclaim that non-believers will go to hell. How can anyone accept the loving God, if they are going to hell by not following? Is it as a big turn off for you as me?

When people like that talk to me, I can't help but annoy them back. Yes, I know, it's the the very mature thing to do, but how can they expect me to be serious if they just told me I'm going to hell?

Anyway, the little things.
Like a warm and sincere hello to a new comer at a church.
A little note to your college students who are preparing for finals.
A visit at one of my church members workplace, just to say hello.
You know, things like that.
They go a long way.

I had a youth pastor, Doug Conrad. I don't remember any of the sermons he preached or ... nothing really that he taught.
But I do remember the little things he did, like look me in the eye when I spoke to him. His friendly hellos whenever I saw him.

Surely, I can't be wrong about this.

So what are the little things that pastors and Christians in general can do?

Rules of Engagement

Okay. There are certain public bathroom etiquettes that I as a man follow, but so should every other men in the world.

1. No Talking While Peeing
What I mean by that is, when I'm on the urinal, I don't want to be talking to anyone. Especially if I do not know you. If you have something to say, you can wait a couple of seconds until we are completely out of the bathroom. If you must get it off your chest immediately, then wait a second until we are both done and washing our hands. No talking while peeing. It's just weird.

2. The Every Other Urinal Rule
So if it's just me and you in the bathroom, and there are 3 or more adult urinals, then one urinal should serve as a buffer.
If I'm already on the urinal, and you come in, and it's just me and you, you should not go and use the urinal directly next to me unless A) it's the only other urinal B) the other urinal is a child's urinal. Other than that, if it's just me and you in the bathroom, and there's more than 3 urinals, keep at least one urinal between us. Preferably, I'd want us to be in the opposite ends of the bathroom, but that's not necessary.

3. No Straying of Eyes
Your eyes should only be in 1 of the 3 positions, and there is NO other option.
You should be 1) looking down into YOUR urinal, 2) looking straight into the wall, or 3) looking straight above you.
In no way should your eyes be wandering left to right. There's no reason for it to. If you want to talk to me while peeing, please refer to rule number 1. Just down, straight or straight up. Your eyes should be no where else.

4. For the Love of God, wash your hands!

5. Oh, and flush the toilet/urinal after yourselves! Geez!

I'm sure there is more.
Ah.

this happened to me once
6. No Hand Shaking in the bathroom.
Please do not offer your hand for a shake in the bathroom at any time, ESPECIALLY, before you wash your hands. Actually, no physical contact at all would be preferred in the bathroom. There's no reason for me to hug you or shake your hand in the bathroom. None whatsoever.


That's it for now.
Yes, I don't like public bathrooms.


Care to add anymore?

I'm Never Gonna Get Certified

When I moved to Hawaii, our goal was to get me certified by this Annual Conference, since I've waited so long.
It was funny to see how many people were upset with me for putting of the process for so long.

So I took the psychological assessment, but the results never came in, which started to get me worried.
However, this week, I got a letter from the Samaritan Counseling Center in Upland, CA (yes, California) informing me that they received my assessment and they are ready to interview me.

what...?

So I called my mentor and found out that the person that does the interviews and assessments in Hawaii quit and his replacement is coming in July.
He said he'll try whatever he can for me not to fly up to Cali, because it is very inconvenient for me.
I got an email saying that I'll probably have to fly up there. So I called the counseling center back and tentatively scheduled an appointment. Turns out, there is a chance I can't do the Tier 1 and Tier 2 assessments in one day, so I'll have to stay in California at least 3 days. Which just sucks.

Not only that, I just checked flights. The airfare was at least 5oo dollars. And it'll only go up. Not to mention the hotel stay and a rental car.

My mentor said he'll see if the Board will be able to pay for my expenses because "this isn't your fault."
But a part of me feels really bad that the board would have to shell out more than 500 dollars for me.

This Candidacy thing... it's just too much.
I'm not crazy. I promise... well, define crazy first... but I'm not crazy enough to be locked up. I promise.


So here's me, waiting to see if I can go ahead and purchase my tickets OR, if i need to wait until next year. Either way, it feels like a lose-lose situation.

Church Members

So I got a call from my mom today.
There was this church member who has been attending my dad's church for at least 4 years.
The wife was a regular. Her husband, was there quite often. Their youngest kid who is in college comes out to my church's young adult service.

Anyway, they didn't come to church last Sunday, and told my father that they were going to go to a different church.
My father and mother went up to their house just to make sure that everything was OK. Just to make sure that there wasn't any bad blood between members, may be even have them come back after church shopping etc.

They asked why the family was leaving my dad's church. The answer?

The husband didn't like golfing with the men at dad's church. It's not long he didn't get along with them. I just think he didn't like them as golf partners.

!!!!

It made me upset and it made me laugh at the same time.
I mean, is golf partners a legit reason to leave a church?
Perhaps it is, but I just don't see it.

May be you can enlighten me, but I just don't get.

Golf?

New Comers Lunch

Every Tuesday, our church has a Bible study group for the new comers of our church.
And every Tuesday, they eat lunch together. I try to avoid eating lunch with them because 1) I like being anti-social 2) the food is not that great... 3) they're all old...

But today, I was hungry, and I sucked it up and sat down and ate lunch with them and our pastor and the associate pastor.

While I was eating, I realized that we were the only males in the room. All the new comers are females.
Then I realized that majority of our congregation members are female.
Even in my dad's church, the majority of them are females.

Is it like that in other cultures?

And, if so, why is it that the women are more inclined to come to church?

And what are ways to effectively reach males?
Many of the Korean members, it's the wife that faithfully goes to church and the husband that stays home, or grudgingly tags along.
I'm sure that applies to all cultures too.

What are things we can do (and that are being done) to effectively reach out to males?

First Love...

Sometimes, I'm so busy in pursuing what I need to do, I often forget my first love.
Recently, praise and prayer just seemed to be dry. And if it feels dry to me, I'm sure that my leaders and my students can feel it to.

When it comes to picking songs for praise, I find myself being frustrated. All the songs sounds the same, we've done these songs over and over, there is nothing new.
I never felt that way before.

When I pray in prayer groups, it takes a long time for me to actually get the words out.

Then, this morning, lying on the couch and looking out the window, it hit me, I forgot my first love.

I forgot that when we sing praise, it's singing a love song to God, for God. It shouldn't really matter that the songs sound the same or we've done it over and over. It's for God. As long as our hearts in the right place, and God focused... that's all the matters.

In the past two weeks, I've been so busy, I forgot to just spend time with the Bible and read and meditate.


It's scary how pastors are so caught up in the work of the church and helping others with their spiritual lives, that they completely ignore their own.

I'm glad that staring out the window and seeing the trees and the sky, I had this somewhat epiphany. I picked up on Jeremiah where I left off too long ago.

Came across this verse:
Although our sins testify against us, O Lord, do something for the sake of your name
Jeremiah 15:7a

It just reminded me the faithfulness of God. That God will remain faithful to me and my church, even though I have been unfaithful to Him over and over.

I laid back down on the couch, and stared out the same window.

I was reminded that I briefly lost track of my first love.

I fell asleep on the couch and woke up hearing my wife (who has a beautiful voice) and her friend (who's visiting) practicing some praise songs.

I woke up feeling rested and renewed.

God is good.

Co-Director of Youth

So, my name will appear on the recommended list of District leadership positions to be approved by the district on 5/16. And I'd begin my work in July. At least, that's what the letter said. But, if it needs to approved, I didn't understand "your work will begin in July." Oh well.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately.
I talk to the senior pastor of Aiea UMC (the church that we share a building with) because he's done this for 7 years. He said the two main things I need to do is hold a spring or summer retreat and to take kids to the Annual Conference.

That's something I think I can handle. But there are so many youths here in Hawaii who won't go to these things. Basically, there's too many of them and so little of me.
So what I was thinking of doing is just gathering all the UMC youth leaders (could I also try to reach out to non-UMC youth leaders..?) and meet once a week for a couple of months or so and equip them to reach out to their students, because they would know their students need more than I ever would.

I don't think I'd be the best teacher, but I think I have some valuable insights that I picked up during youth ministry courses in Seminary.
But I think, more than this be me teaching them, it'll be us teaching one another, supporting and affirming one another, to build healthier ministries and provide a place where kids can explore and deepen their faith. That way, when we do have big events such as retreats and stuff, we can get the youth leaders to be more involved so that it won't all be on my and Mr. Tony (the person that I'd work with).

Now, this sounds all good in my head. And looks pretty good as I am rereading what I am posting.

But will it actually work out?

The thing I'm frustrated with being in Hawaii is that people are too laid back, especially when it comes to the churches. Or ,maybe that's just me, and what I just said is a very broad and general statement.

Well, the only thing I can really do is pray, and pray, and pray.
And I intend to do that.

This is going to be hard. Especially with all the work I have to do in my own church.
But this is also going to be fun and exciting and I know that this is part of my call from God. And God promises that wherever I go, He will be with me.

I Will Find Rest In You

It's been an exhausting and draining week.
I started going to the dawn prayer service at 530am, Monday through Saturday.
This weekend (and tonight) is our Youth Seminar 2007. (We couldn't think of a better name).
The Korean church has thing called Father School and Mother School and it's basically a workshop and seminars and how to be more loving parents.
I felt that parents shouldn't do all the work, so we are doing Youth Seminar, which is basically how to be more loving sons and daughters.
Tomorrow night, or rather, tonight, is the big finale. We want all the parents to come and have them worship together with the kids, which rarely happens in the Korean church due to the language.

I don't know how I will last through tomorrow.
I'm up preparing things for tomorrow, like a video presentation of the first two days to show parents what we did. I'm also adding finishing touches on the youth sermon, the young adult sermon and the Family Worship sermon. All three different sermons.

And to top it all off, on Monday, I get to go to church at 530am.
A part of me says, I should take Monday off, because Monday is essentially my only day off.
But I made a promise to God and to myself that I will faithfully and diligently attend the early morning service for 40 days.

Besides, I don't want to get into the habit of thinking that my Sabbath should be a sabbath from everything, even God. I tend to do that a lot, and I know that many pastors do too.
Just because I take a day off from church, doesn't mean I take a day off from God. In fact, because I am not concentrating on anything church-related, I should take the free time and be with God.

Yes, I am tired and exhausted.
But I will find rest in the Lord.

My Two Dreams

I have two desires, wishes, prayer requests that I want God to answer. One or the other, or both.
One is that I want to be a traveling preacher. Actually traveling preacher sounds weird... I just want to go around the country (and the world, maybe) and preach the Gospel. I know I'm not the best preacher, I stutter a lot and so forth, but I have faith in God and faith in that God speaks through me and that God works through my weaknesses so that His people can hear His words through me.

The other dream... is to be a praise leader in the likes of Chris Tomlin and David Crowder. I go to events like National Youth Workers' Convention and I see how people experience God through them. And I feel that music is a powerful tool to reach the younger generation. (but music alone is not sufficient).

I can see how God can call me to do both.

But either way, I would love to just go to different churches and different events and proclaim the Word of God, whether it be through sermons, music or both.

My Father

For those that do not know, my father is a pastor.
Forgive me for saying this, and I know this is not the point, but i think I am a better pastor than he is. Sure, he has the experience. But I'm more charismatic. I'm smarter. I'm wittier. I'm handsomer.
Haha.

Where I'm going with this post is that there is something my dad does that I need to model myself after more than anything, and that's his prayer life.
My dad has always been praying and fasting as long as I could remember.
He has done 4 40 day fasting. I think if you add up all the days he fasted in his lifetime, it'll be more than 365 days. That's just crazy!

But, because my dad prays, we see God working through him and our family. When we were living in Santa Barbara, due to unnecessary (and unfair) politics, my dad had to resign from the church he was serving. I didn't know that much back then, being only 12 years old. But I'm sure my dad panicked, because he had a family to feed and no income.
I look at my financial situation, and i start getting nervous and anxious, and we ain't even have a kid yet.
So my dad did what he knows best, turn to God in prayer and fasting.
One day, my dad got a phone call from someone in Los Angeles who heard my dad preach at a revival. The person said that he feels he needs to give my father $2000 a month for the next few years.

So when I look at my spiritual life, I see that I am undisciplined and tactless.
I recently read Adam Hamilton's Unleashing the Word and it inspired me to be more prepared for my sermon preparation. And I have. I'm disciplining myself more, and it is showing in me and in our ministry.

I strongly believe that prayer needs to be the most important aspect of my ministry. And I embarrassingly admit that I just don't pray enough.

So for the next 40 days (not including Sundays), with 6 prayer requests, I am heading out to our Early Morning Prayer Service at 530am. Though everything is in Korean, they leave us at least half an hour after the brief message to pray. And in Korean style, everyone prays out loud. You have to experience this to know what I'm talking about.
I went this morning. My body is not used to getting up so early, but it will adjust.

And right now, it's 1230am. I should hurry up and go to bed so that I do not sleep in.

I think this is a good start to becoming more disciplined in my spiritual life.

Friends

I think one of the most frustrating things I've come across is trying to meet up with friends.
The reason it's frustrating is that I want to hang out with them, and see them, but it's just hard to.
I don't think anyone outside of being a pastor, really know how busy a pastor can get in their schedules.
You have people (ignorant ones, might I humbly add) who say, Oh, being a pastor isn't that bad, they only work one day out of the week. (insert groan here.)

I knew I was going to be busy, but I never expected to be this busy.
As soon as one big event is over, we're starting to plan for the next one.
Some times, things get so busy, I lose the sight of God. I always found that ironic, but it happens to many of us quite often.

It's also hard to meet up with people because all my friends have the weekend off, and weekends usually are busier than the rest of the week.
And on Saturdays, I'm reluctant to go out, because I need to just prepare my heart and mind for Sundays.

I'm thankful that I got married before I started full time ministry. I don't know how I'd find the time to date if I weren't.

But you know, I feel as a pastor, I need secular friends. I need friends who are not in the ministry. The friends that I do have in ministry, when we start talking, we start talking about church related things.
Some times, I just need to sit back and complain how the Redskins are screwing things up.

How do other pastors fare in this situation?
Is it because I'm still young that I try to have some life outside of ministry? And I don't mean life outside of ministry meaning that I divulge into debauchery. Although that would be cool... just kidding. I mean just hanging with good friends and not having to discuss what's going on in church. I feel at times I need something like that to keep my sanity.

If it doesn't rain today, I'm going to head out and play basketball with a few of my friends.
I haven't seen any of them for about 2 months now. I'm so paranoid since I've been injured so many times in the past 9 months. Well, 3 times. I went to the ER 3 times in the 9 months. Before that, I've been to the ER 2 in 25 years. If it's even sprinkling, I'm going to have to wait to play basketball. Anyway, I have a long week ahead of me.
Yay.

Joel Osteen

What do you think of him, and preachers like him?
I have mixed feelings.
Every Sunday morning, as the wife and I get ready to go to church, I turn the TV on to watch Joel Osteen. I don't know why I started doing this, but it's been about 3 months that I have been doing this.

I just don't know what to make of him and others like him. For me, his messages rarely go deeper than the surface of the scripture that he is using. It's very seeker oriented, but it never seems to have an outlet to go deeper.

But here's the most disturbing thing that I've noticed about his telecast last Sunday.
He doesn't seem to have a cross in the church. Maybe he does and it just doesn't show on the screen, but what I do notice is a big globe rotating in the background.
You may not think it's a big deal, but it struck me a little odd.

And I think that's one problem I have with Seeker Friendly churches. Most of the seeker churches do a good job of providing ways to go deeper in their faith, because one can't always be a seeker.
But a few churches don't provide ways to get deeper, and I feel, at times, they replace the cross with something easier to handle and carry. A church here doesn't have a cross at all, instead they replaced it with a dove.
Sure I may be reading way too much into this, but it just felt odd.

If anyone stops by and reads this, let me know what you think.

Korean News

I do not appreciate the Korean News people.
They're irresponsible in their reporting.
I just think that their ethics are different from ours.
Their news broadcast seems to run with the ethics of National Inquirer and what not.

Last night, they reported that it might be possible that the parents of the VA Tech shooter committed suicide. Giving them credit, they didn't say that it happen, but that it may be possible that they had.

The scary part of that is, it can be so true, you know with the whole honor/shame aspect of the Asian culture.
But I still don't see why they needed to throw that out there if it wasn't a confirmed report.

A part of me felt like it was a subliminal message to the parents from the Korean community to end it all.

The Koreans have a powerful way of shunning people and deeming them outcast.
Wherever they go now, the family will never receive business from ANY Korean customers.
I served at a church in that area for 3 years.

There was an instance when a cell group at the church shunned a family because that family's kid did not go to a "prestigious" school. Yes, many Koreans can be that shallow and trivial. And that wasn't an isolated instance. Things like that go on all the time.
I had a student who received a 1420 on her SATs (before the 2400 format) and was deemed by her parents a failure. They demanded that she take it again and score higher.

Anyway, here's something else that I am concerned about.
About 5 years ago, US military stationed in S. Korea accidentally ran over 2 girls with a tank. It was an accident, but there were strong protest. They picketed outside of the station daily and demanded that US leave Korea.
One could argue that the current President of Korea was elected due to his diligent presence at the picket lines. The Army and the US, i believe, paid the two families.
Now, a Korean citizen went and killed over 30 people.
Could there be any backlash?

It was a senseless tragedy. Incredibly sad.
But i hope that in the aftermath of all of this, we don't make the situation any more tragic or sadder.

On the Move?

We're not happy with our home right now.
The wife has been having "allergic" reaction to the place.
I think it's partly psychological. She thinks the house is really dirty, so she's getting these weird rashes. The doctor first thought it was bird mites or scabies... then further test showed that perhaps it was some fungal infection. We still don't know, just that it's going away.

So today, i'm going to go to our realtor to see if he can shorten our lease anyhow.

I feel bad asking but we need to. And we pray that he'll let us out early.

We'll see.

Rev. Sharpton and Jackson

Please, please, please for the love of God, go away!
Some times, I wish they were not referred to as "reverends."
Is it just me, or whenever they are "outraged" by certain "injustice" they come to the forefront just for camera time?

Take the latest incident where the "Reverends" are out in the media. They feel that Don Imus went too far for saying the word "ho."
Why are they attacking only Don Imus? Or say, only Michael Richards for the use of the "N" word?
If they find it offensive in one area, then it should be offensive all around.
You can't be offended just because a white person says "ho" to black women. You should be offended when anyone refers to anyone as a "ho."

It seems like when they know the media will run with a story, BOOM, there's Sharpton and Jackson.

Do they even really speak for "Black" America? A lot of black people I know can't stand them.

Here's my biggest problem with them:
Instead of going to where the media is, why not bring the media to them?
What I mean is, instead of charging towards such a minor incident, why not go down to the south and raise awareness for illiteracy? Why not go to the ghettos of America and fight for their rights?

Maybe they do do that. I don't know.

But every time I see either of them on TV, it always seems like they have a hidden agenda which to me is: Everyone look at me!

In Other News...

A couple of months back, I had a conversation with the Hawaii District's youth coordinator. He was telling about things that he was planning on, but had a hard time to getting church's to commit. He asked if we could come (i think he used to be a member of the church i'm serving).
We had something that we've been planning for months, so we couldn't commit either. He felt discouraged and starting telling me how tough this position was and he think it was time to quit.
I had no idea why he was sharing this with me.
But after our conversation, a thought popped in my head.
I had this crazy notion that maybe if he did quit, i could do something with that position. I told myself that was ridiculous. How in the world could I balance that AND doing full time at AKUMC? It seemed impossible.
But the thoughts wouldn't go away. Instead, it'll be nagging at me.
For example, out of nowhere, while reading a book on youth ministry, another thought popped into my head.
What if I held some sort of workshop for the youth leaders of the UMC in Hawaii? Pass along my readings, pass along what I learned in seminary and encourage them to start going to National Youth Worker's Convention and giving them ideas and resources.
I played with that thought, and of course, I concluded with: I don't (and won't) have time for this. Which I strongly believe.

I haven't thought about any of this until today.
Out of the blue (isn't it always 'out of the blue'?) I get a call from someone at Christ UMC. She tells me that she is an elder and is part of the District Committee.
I had no idea what she wanted with me until she dropped this bomb:
The committee was discussing it, and your name came up. We want you to serve as co-director of youth for the District of Hawaii.

WHAT???

So, there you have it.
God works in funny ways.
My first gut reaction was: I don't have time to do this...

But I think the first thought was put in my head by God.
I've said earlier that I think God has big plans for the youth in Hawaii, and our little island in general.

The more I thought about it in the past hour, the more it make sense to me that this is part of my calling from God.
I don't want to do this, but the possibilities excite me.

Of course, i have to be in prayer over this.
I told the elder, I need to ask my senior pastor first, in which she replied: "Oh, we already briefly talked to him about it and he seemed very excited over it." (great.)

I then told her, please give me time to pray over it.

I'm excited about this and at the same time, scared.

But if this is truly what God wants me to do, then I have nothing to be afraid for God will go with me.

Whew

Man, what a busy busy week.
I feel exhausted.
I think in the past two days, I only got about 6 hours of sleep. Maybe a tad bit more.
For some reason, Easter and Christmas seem the busiest.

I kid, of course.
But it was a good busy.
I'm tired, and i'm exhausted, yea.

But today, I got to worship and celebrate the Risen Lord with the youth and young adults of our church.

I look forward to (somewhat of a) day off tomorrow... er today.

S-S-SPIDER!

Last night, the Wife and I were watching TV.
All of a sudden, the Wife says to me, "Did you see that?" pointing to the wall behind the TV.
I didn't see anything. As I turn to tell her, "There's nothing there" I see something moving fast from the corner of my eye.
I looked back at the wall.
And there it was.
A spider. A huge spider. With its legs, it was at least 3 inches wide. That's a big spider.
And here's the dilemma.
I hate spiders. I hate them as much as I am afraid of them.
This one time in seminary, there was a spider in my room. I couldn't kill it.
So I went around the dormitory trying to find if anyone was there. The only person I could find was a female student that was in my covenant disciple group. I... had to ask her to come into my room and help me dispose of the spider.
I had no pride left.

So the Wife and I are staring at each other, while I can feel the spider burning eight holes in me with its eight eyes.
I can tell by the look in her eyes, she's expecting me to kill this spider. And she can tell from my eyes that I'm scared of this three inch monstrosity.

But being the dutiful husband, I grab my slipper and start walking toward the spider.
As I move toward the spider, the spider moves closer, on the wall, towards me.
I was three feet away from the spider, and I can't decide what to do.
I can't move towards the spider, because I'm afraid it'll jump and eat me.

So I did what I thought was the most logical at the time: I threw the slipper at the spider. I hit it. But not hard enough. It ran under the love seat.
Since the wife couldn't lift the love seat, it was now her responsibility to kill the spider, as I held up the love seat.
She missed.
The spider now crawled under the bigger couch.

Great.

So I look behind the couch, and the spider is not under the couch, but it's on the back staring straight up at me.
The wife is yelling, "Do you see it?"
And I just stare into the eyes of the spider.
It's either him or me.

Without breaking eye contact, I grab a curtain pole that was not set up, and start slamming away.

I did it!
It was dead!
I was victorious! .... Until i realized one of us had to dispose of the smashed and crunched up spider lying on the carpet.

So using that same pole, I tried to brush the spider onto the newspaper. But the newspaper was too thick for the spider to slide onto.

Eventually, the wife got frustrated at my slow pace and unintelligent method and was able to get the spider into its final destination: the toilet.

We flushed the toilet.
And I saw my former foe going in circles, deeper and deeper to his final destination.

When it was all said and done, I couldn't leave the bathroom.
Every time I flush an insect or spider down the toilet, I'm always afraid that it'll crawl back out.

I waited.
Nothing.
I flushed the toilet again, this time, just put a couple of sheets of toilet papers so that if the spider somehow came back alive and started crawling out, it'll get caught by the incoming toilet paper.
I waited again.
Nothing.

I was satisfied.

Me: 1
Spiders: 0

I hope this is the last encounter with spiders that big.
But something tells me it's not...

NUMB3RS

There was something that a previous pastor used to always tell our kids and it frustrated me so much.
He kept asking our kids to bring in friends, new members to our church. Each Sunday, during announcements, if there wasn't anyone new, he would say "c'mon guys! We need to start bringing people. If we don't bring new people, our ministry is a dead ministry! We're dying!"
I can't tell you how much it upset me to hear that.

It almost wanted me to ask what was his purpose of his ministry? To make it physically big as possible?

For all my seminary career and so far in my ministry career, numbers has been the last thing on my mind. Blame it on my professor of youth ministry and Doug Fields, but I've been putting extra effort into not thinking about number.
If i hold an activity and event, i don't think it's a failure if 2 people show up. Sure, i'll be disappointed, that's natural, but if we fulfill the purpose of the activity and event through those 2 people, then what we aimed to do was a success.

I'm not saying that having a big church is wrong or not. But we shouldn't deem a church more "successful" if they are bringing in 3000 members compared to the church down the street who has 30 members.

My focus has been to have a growth spiritually with our kids. If God chooses to bless us by having us multiply in numbers, that's great! If we stay the same size yet we are becoming more mature in our spirituality, that's awesome!

That's a hard mentality to keep with my church.
I think the elders and the pastor expects some physical growth within the first year of my ministry here to see if i'm doing my job.
It saddens me that some have to think like that.
I know i'll hear grumbling if our youth size stays the same for the next two years. the saddest thing is that they'll never know how God is working through those youth, because all they want to see is physical results.

I honestly don't know the exact size of our youth group and many people don't understand why i don't know.
I like to keep it that way, for many reasons.

Oops, must get ready for tonight.

My Court Date

Earlier this month, I received my first speeding ticket.
But it shouldn't count because it was so unnecessary and unfair.
We were going down this road, which is a downhill.
There were three cars, literally, surrounding me. It's a two lane road, so i had a car in front of me, next to me and behind me. We were ALL going the same speed, which was about 40 mph in a 25 mph zone.
Then at the bottom of the hill, we see two motorcycle cops with laser guns, so naturally all of us slowed down immediately.

As we're passing he signals me to pull over. So I did.
And when i pulled up to him, he asks his partner "Hey, is he the one?" which infuriated me.
I thought, since he wasn't sure and we were all going the same speed, he'd let me off with a warning. Nope.
He gave me a ticket for going 41 in a 25 zone and the ticket came out to 137 dollars.
Great.
So I mailed in the ticket and said I wanted to contest it in person, because i really felt that i was done wrong.

Yesterday at 9am was my court date.
And i had no idea what to expect. This is my first time at court.

It's finally 9, the judge walks in, we all stand up, blah, blah, blah.
Now i'm getting my defense ready.
I was going to tell him that the cop wasn't sure it was me, because he had to ask "Is he the one?" Not only that, but I was going with the flow of traffic.
Any good driver's ed teacher will tell you, it's safer to go with the flow of traffic than it is to obey the speed limit. Accidents happen when drivers go faster or slower than the flow of traffic. So if the flow of traffic is going 40 at a 25 zone, it's safer to go 40.

My name is called up, and I go to the front. He asks me, for the record, to state my name, i do so.

Then he goes over my file and asks, do you admit or deny the charge.
And i had to think. I did go 40, there's no doubt about that.
I told the judge, I admit the charge.
Then he just said, "Okay, since you admitted, i'll knock down you fine. Instead of 41, i'll mark it down to 30 in a 25 zone. Take a seat and wait for your papers."

I ended up paying $25 for the ticket and $47 for court fees, which is still less than 137.

But it got me thinking.
How many times do we justify and find excuses for the things we've done wrong?
I was happy with the decision.

And we should just ask for forgiveness, instead of trying to justify our actions.

Jump 2007

This is the fourth event that I have attended with the name Jump.
National Youth Worker's Convention of 2005 was Jump.
My winter retreat of 2005 was named Jump.
My winter retreat at my new church in 06 was jump.

Now this at the biggest Korean church in Hawaii.

Almost everything is in Korean so it's been a little bit difficult for me and some of the kids at church from my church.
But the amazing thing? I think the kids are still learning and feeling the presence of God, despite the language barrier.

I believe that God is going to do something amazing for our church and for the state of Hawaii.
The world is going to see how God is moving in this tiny island of ours.

New Office Space

Well, I complained about my office space. Problem solved, I guess.
I got moved out of the basement office and replaced at the upstairs office with everyone else. Good news? I'm no longer isolated and no longer in that messy, stuffy room. Bad news? My desk space is really small... and I have to come in more regularly, (haha.. i know that sounds horrible) and I have to look busy (that sounds worse).

It's like a bullpen as a friend said. We don't have cubicles, so everyone can see everyone. Like right now, I bet the secretary and the associate pastor think I'm doing something important, since I've been typing away. Little do they know I'm actually updating my blog!!! (-_____-)

But, I do prefer being up here than downstairs.
And the best part of it is that they FINALLY came to their senses and got a cable ISP and wireless internet.

And this is good for me because no one up here is that great with their English. It'll force me to speak more Korean and on top of that, it'll force me to be social once in a while and talk to them.

But for those of you who think I don't do anything productive... you're only half right.

Whatever that means.

Music

I love leading praise.
There's something just moving. And when we're doing really well, when i really feel the Spirit moving through us, i don't see anyone else around me. It's the most incredible feeling i have felt in my short years of ministry. I can't see anyone else nor can i hear them. I just feel the presence of God all around us.

I've always wanted to write praise songs.
never was a good writer... words hardly come to me.

But just lately, i've had all this melodies just floating around my head. and i decided, why not?

So i laid some stuff down on my computer.
It's been a stress reliever and it's been fun.

I was messing around today, and did this: click here.
It's just a rough draft of what was in my head today...

so that's that. i think i am keeping my wife awake. so i better stop all the typing and go to bed.

=)

Faith

Do you remember the story where Peter walks on water? (or attempts to?)
People often feel that "if Peter had enough faith, he would've been able to walk on water."
Perhaps we should look at it in a different light.
If Peter had enough faith, he would've never stepped out of the boat and onto the water.
He would've believed the statement Jesus made, which was similiar to the "I AM" statement that God made to Moses.

Faith isn't doing something miraculous, or just based on miraculous things happening.
Faith isn't about walking on water, because only God can do that, (Job 9:8; Isa 43:16; 51:9-10 Hab 3:5) for example. (from commentary)

Faith is the ability to believe in the face of all evidence that God is here with me.

So have faith.
Perhaps...
you're barely making ends meet
you're contemplating a future that doesn't seem so bright
you're lost in your life and can't seem to find your way
your family isn't what it should be
your family is falling apart
you have a medical problem

We all face storms that will rock the little boats that we are riding. Some of us are in the midst of a storm, and it doesn't seem like it's going to let up any time soon.

But have faith. As Jesus was with his disciples through both storms in the sea, God is with you. God is for you. And God loves you.



I wrote that a long time ago.
Today, I came across it again.
I needed to read that.
It's amazing of how quickly I can forget that God is with me.

Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

The Holy Spirit

Tomorrow sermon is the "I believe in the Holy Spirit" part of our Apostle's Creed sermon series.
I was trying to think back on what i was taught about the Holy Spirit when i was in Sunday school. I realized that i couldn't think of many times we really discussed the Spirit. We talked a lot about God and Jesus.
And i think churches still do that. I think the Spirit becomes the lesser of the Trinity. Like a really big celebrity's brother. i.e. Casey Affleck. Charlie Murphy. Haley Duff. Tito Jackson. and so forth.

Why do we spend so much time on God and Jesus, but not so much on the Holy Spirit?

Are You Worth 2 Billion?

I like sports. And as many sports fans, i have favorite teams too.
In the NFL, i root for my beloved Redskins. Though many disagree that you can have 2 teams you root for, i still am a Patriots fan. Every year i want the Skins and Pats at the superbowl with the Skins taking it all. Of course, that's just never going to happen. At least for a long time.

In the NBA, no one beats Agent 0 and his "HIBACHI!" with the Washington Wizards.
For MLB, i don't like to watch baseball much... but i just felt that i needed a team to root for. I didn't want to go along with the Nationals. I don't like the Yankees, and since i like Tom Brady and the Pats, I decided to root for the Red Sox.

And there's soccer. I've been watching a lot of soccer, because there's a soccer channel available. Outside of Korea, i root for England in the world cup. And the team i've taken a liking to is Chelsea FC. Wow, this was the longest and most pointless set up to my entry.

So the owner of Chelsea FC has been married for 15 years and has 5 kids. But lately, he has been seen with this woman:


So reports have it that the owner gave his wife 2 billion (yes, 2 BILLION) dollars to divorce her so that he can be with the woman pictured above. (Daria Zhukova).

I personally don't think the new lady is worth 2 billion dollars.
Is anyone? Perhaps..

But it's almost funny (or rather, sad) of the state that we live in. I'm sure there are many out there who may now feel, "man if i had that much money, i'd buy out of my marriage too."

It's sad that marriage doesn't have the same meaning as it once did.

Just in case you're wondering,
2 billion may be just enough for me to get interested in your offer.
I'm priceless, baby, priceless.

=)

Monday, Monday, MONDAY

I got up early today so that i could get down to Kailua, meet my mentor and take my first psychological assessment test.
I had to answer many weird questions, but it only took me an hour to do both the booklet and the "Finish the Sentence" questions. I hope they don't think i'm crazy. At least not more than i really am.
But the drive to and back from Kailua was what i enjoyed the most.
It was just marvelous.
I know in my heart that i will not be in Hawaii forever. I'll probably leave when i get ordained... and that has at times, caused some mild island fever. But days like today tell me that Hawaii is forever my home and why i like it so much.
It wasn't a beautiful sunny day. it was cloudy and about to rain. but how the clouds just lingered right below the mountain tops.. i just loved it. Where else in the world can you see beautiful green mountains on your left and look on to your right and see a bright blue and clear ocean waters?
It's amazing.



In other news, i went to see 300 today.
It was really really good and i enjoyed it thoroughly. The visuals were fascinating and i was absorbed into the story. I didn't think the Wife would enjoy it, but she loved it, which made it even better.
(out of 5).

Good day off.
I'm ready to start my week.

Growing Up

Today I found out that my friend got engaged to her long time boyfriend. In December, another friend got engaged to her long time boyfriend. Three of my friends are married now. We're growing up. And fast, it seems like.
It's was like yesterday (and i can't believe i'm using that phrase...) that i just moved to Mililani and i was trying my best to make good friends that'll last a long time. And i have. We were silly and goofy high school kids doing high school stuff. Now we no longer live in the safety cushion of high school. We don't have college over our heads. It's finally the real world.

My best friend is heading out to Seattle to pursue a full-time career in nursing, and maybe traveling around the world in that field.
I have a friend who started his own local business in the music industry. And from what i've seen, he's successful. He got to hang out at Jack Johnson's house(!!!!).
It's only a matter of time before my other friends get engaged. One's living in New York and seems likely to head to a career in the military.

Life does come at you fast, doesn't?
Yesterday we were worrying about what to wear to school, to look cool, to be cool, to trying to see if the girl you like liked you back.
Today, we are worrying about bills, making sure we don't fail, getting jobs that will be our careers.

And for me? I want kids. I know it's not a competition or anything, but i would to be the first of my friends to have a kid. That way my kid can bully all the rest of em. (heh).

Times sure have changed.
I remember how i wanted to be so much older when i was young. I wanted to be an adult, and quick.
Now that i am an adult, sometimes i wish i was a kid again.

Time is funny.

They said that there is no better teacher then Time. Time is the greatest teacher. But Time kills all of her students.

Leave 99...

In the Bible, Jesus tells a parable of how the shepherd would leave 99 sheep behind to find the one that wandered away.

And i feel that thought should be applied into ministry. But how much easier said than done it is. We have a group of college boys that have all the potential in the world. They would apply themselves more in church and into our ministry, but they don't want to seem weak (or whatever) in front of the others. They're waiting for one of them to make the move into becoming a serious Christian, then the rest will follow suit. But it's not going to happen. When they're alone, it'll be easier for them to open up, but when they're together, they just front.

So i decided it's time to go and actively "pursue" these guys, meaning, just hang out on a one-on-one basis and get to know them more and encourage them to come to the young adult service instead of the youth and to attend young adult bible studies.

When i saw the need to do this, i was surprised of how... inconvenient it all was. I honestly don't want to do it. I feel like i have too much other things that i need to do, like find a retreat site for our young adult summer retreat... (which is now getting more impossible) or like trying to figure out what to do for a mission trip this summer (and i'm running out of time). Not to mention the regular hustle and flow of church work. It just seems like i have million other things to do then try to reach out to a bunch of college boys.
How wrong is that?

In thinking like that, i forgot one of the most important part of being a pastor (at least for me): tending souls. Who cares if we don't get a site for the summer retreat? We'll improvise. If i don't get a mission trip planned, the church isn't going to fire me. But if i get one, just one of these boys to open up their hearts for Christ... that i feel is what God would want me to do...

On top of that, i can't help but think of times when i strayed away...

The image of the shepherd leaving the 99 to find the one has become more powerful to me, only because i realize how hard it really is... and how "inconvenient" in can seem to be. And it shows how much we are loved by our Creator.

It's Been a While

Hello everyone.
Well, i don't think anyone reads this.

But, i finally got internet capabilities at the new house.
YAY!

This past week was just ... not good.

I had to go to the ER last Saturday. The 3rd time in like 7 months.
I got a wrong diagnosis from the ER doctor.
I ended up having gout. Yea, gout. And i'm only 26. People over 40s get gout. So that made me a little concern.

It was very painful, and now i have all this work i need to do that i couldn't because of the pain.


This entry is short, but i will be updating again.

=)

My Last Months At KUMC of GW

I was talking to a friend about Ethics class in seminary. He was asking me about the professor he has, whom i also had for my ethics.
Dr. Wheeler was one of my favorite professors at Wesley and i really learned a lot from her.
Two of my proudest moments in Seminary were:
In preaching class, Dr. McClain looked at me square in the eye after i gave a sermon in front of him and the class (we had to preach a sermon, then after we were done, the entire class sits in front of you and they tell you what they liked and what they didn't like, and the professor lays his final judgment, s0-to-speak) and Dr. McClain says to me (i've been intimidated by his presence all semester) "you can preach, boy. don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."
Another proud moment was when i received an A on an Ethics paper in Dr. Wheeler's class. The paper was a sermon on homosexuality and she really liked it, and even suggested that i preach to the youth kids.

So after much thinking, i finally decided i would do so. I knew that i was going to leave the church in about a month or two, and i just wanted the kids to know that we are called to love any and every one.

So i went and preached that sermon.
And i did a fairly good job preaching it.
After i was done, that's when the drama ensued.

The head youth pastor called my and the other part-time youth pastor and fellow seminarian into his office and sat us down and locked the door.
He started yelling at me about how i was promoting homosexuality to the kids and how i was going against his teachings. He was upset that because he thought i told the kids to go to see Brokeback Mountain, because he told the kids not to go see it because of the homosexual content. In my sermon i said, "we were told not to go see Brokeback Mountain. I feel we shouldn't see it because it's another way Hollywood promotes and glorifies extra-marital affairs."

Then he started attacking the things that i preached, and how i use the pulpit improperly. I was rather offended, because he, a month ago preached to the kids that interfaith marriage is unclean, and if a Christian marries a non-Christian, it was light mixing with darkness. He fully knew that they were more than a handful of kids who had a parent that didn't go to church. He also knew that one of the students sitting there had a hard time coming to church because her mom was dead against Christianity. Not only that, he once told us that a student came to him and was struggling with his sexual identity and wasn't sure if he was homosexual or not. The very next Sunday, he prays (from nowhere, really) "May you convict the hearts of the homosexuals. Have them turn from their evil ways and let them see the light."
Since he never revealed the identity of the kid, i was praying that that kid was not present when that prayer was prayed.

He then basically banned me from preaching to the high school kids (we had a separate worship on Sundays for jr. high and sr. high). I said fine, less work for me anyhow, and left the meeting.

Then, he accuses me of swearing at him. He said that i flicked him off as i was leaving the office. The other part-time had his head down, so he didn't see anything, but he confirmed that i did not use any swear words, which i was also accused of. I thought to myself, am i back in jr. high school?

Before i left church that Sunday, i stopped by the Sr. Pastor and wrote him a letter of what happened. I basically said, I preached about homosexuality, the head youth pastor is upset, and some parents might be upset, because he is upset. And i apologized for the headache that i will cause him.

The head youth pastor apparently saw that as a threat and asked me why i went to the senior pastor behind his back. I explained that i wasnt going behind anyones back, but that i was informing the senior pastor so that he doesn't get blindsided just in case someone else was upset as he was over the sermon.

Anyway, that was the end of a long Sunday.

We had a staff meeting on Tuesday, just the three of us, and throughout the meeting, it was as if i never existed. He had his body turned away from me and never acknowledged my presence. When the other part-timer went to the bathroom, he finally acknowledged my presence and said, "i have a meeting with [the senior pastor] today. but don't worry, i won't tell him about the unfortunate event where you swore at me."
I kept my mouth shut, but i thought to myself, i already told the pastor that you thought i swore at you. But i didn't, and the other part-timer witnessed the entire thing and also says that i never swore.

He did go to see the senior pastor. I don't know what he expected to happen, but i knew that it wasn't what he wanted.

I received an email from the senior pastor and he told me that what i did was okay. that he supports my theology and sermon (i had sent him a copy because i was advised to). He said the issue was probably that i preached without the head youth pastor's permission (which i agreed and understood). He said that he asked his son (who was in the youth group) about the sermon. His son replied that it was the best sermon he has heard since he was at KUMC. He was challenged to think differently, and was challenged to just love.

A part of me, honestly, felt good, but mostly relieved that i wasn't in trouble with the senior pastor.
The relationship between myself and the head youth pastor was pretty much non-existent, though i tried my best to restore before i left. (I eventually sent a letter after i moved out, and i was told he was very appreciative of the letter.)

But what i felt the worst about was that he was already in a lot of trouble. There were things that he was doing that even i felt uncomfortable with, and i wasn't supposed to know about it but found out through outside parties.
This disagreement was the straw that broke the camel's back, well that and my leaving too. I'm not saying i was such an integral part... but we had a good yin-yang going on in the youth ministry. We complemented each other fairly well. And at times, i think i served as the buffer zone.

As soon as i left, i heard things from my friend, the other part-timer, that it's not going well. Within 3-4 months, the head youth pastor resigned (with pay for the rest of the year).

It was a sad way to end things... but it was going to happen sooner or later. I just felt bad it had started with me.

I wish he really listened to what i was preaching. I wasn't promoting homosexuality in the sermon.
But what i was promoting was love. We are all God's children, regardless of our race, gender and sexual orientation. And in the eyes of God, we are all sinners, no one is better than the next. We are all given grace, equally and freely. And that we should extend the grace and love we received to our neighbors.

Affirmation

Today, i was unpacking and i came across the scrap book my kids at KUMC of GW gave to me as when i was moving back to Hawaii.
When i first read it, it made me cry with the letters and words those kids said to me.
I read it once more when i arrived in Hawaii, and it again moved me to tears.
I haven't looked at it since, until today.

I looked through it, read all the things the kids wrote to me.
It didn't make me sad as it once did.
It did, however, bring in a sense of relief.

I doubted so many times during my years there that i was actually doing something good. I never felt i was accomplished enough, never felt i was doing the right thing (which is how i still feel.)

I spent countless of hours trying to help them, and i never felt i was reaching them, let alone helping them.

Some times, I thought of quitting.
Many times i felt (and still feel) that the call from God is far greater than i could ever handle.

3 years of my life was spent pouring out my life to these kids.

And by the grace of God, and through God, i touched the lives of those young people. Those words of affirmation were great to read. And it reminded me, no matter how or incompetent i feel, that God uses the weak to lead the strong. As long as i continue to press on, God will work through me and for me.
I do what's possible and God will take care of the impossible. We're a tag team like that. (hehe.)

Ministry is such a thankless career choice. We don't know how we're affecting the lives of the people we serve. When we give all we have to the people we serve, sometimes we don't receive the thanks that we may feel we deserve.
But that's not why we do these things.
We don't store our treasures here on earth,
but we store them in heaven.
I do this for God.
I do this to serve God, and therefore serve the people that God has entrusted in my care.
Though people may never thank me for the work i may do, that doesn't (and shouldn't) bother me and i don't seek the approval of people.
My aim and purpose is to bring people closer to God and help them along their walk with their faith.
While it's nice to hear thank yous and what not, but in the end, more than any thank yous to people i served and touched, what i want to hear the most is "well done, my good and faithful son, well done." And that is what i strive for.

Lack of Updates

We're in the process of moving into the new house.
I have no internet access at the new place yet. So it's getting in the way of wasting time on the internet (which is one of my favorite things to do).

i just thought i'd update the few of you.

I'm about to go down to Waipahu to pick up an armoir (i have no idea what that is, or if it even is spelled correctly). This church member is donating it to us, so we'd took him up on the offer.

It's nice getting settled in and stuff.

Can't wait til everything is set up...

It's Friday!

Tonight is our Praise Night. I want to come up with a different name instead of the generic "Praise Night." In DC, my colleague held called his "praise night" NeXus. It stood for Next Generation is Us.
It's also a hair product, i believe. But i still like that, The Next Generation is Us.

I have the songs ready and i have the message prepared. Basically, i'm really looking forward to tonight.
As soon as i'm done posting this, i'm walking back to church (am at the starbucks across the street) and start going through the songs and the message. I have 2 hrs before the praise band comes.
I feel excited for tonight. More than usual. I just need to now prepare my heart for worship.

I love leading praise. There's something so powerful about it. And it's more exciting when i see young people share in the joy and love of God with me. It's a moving experience. And there's power in music. But sometimes, we make the mistake of limiting worship just to the praise. Worship is that and much more.

To worship is to change.
When we are in the presence of God, when we meet God, it's impossible for us to leave being the same.

I wish everyone well.

Where the Grass is Green

So every Wednesday (so far this year) i've been sitting at Starbucks getting work done before our Wednesday service begins. The Starbucks is right across the street from the church, so it's convenient. I invite the kids to come and study with me, and so far only one has taken up on that offer. It's better that way, because then i get work done. And the youth that comes in, he's quite introverted, so he just sits there and does his work. I once in a while interrupt him to see what he's working on and how he's doing. I like it better this way.

So i was reading my friend's blog and she was writing about the "Secret."
And i posted a comment, but it got me thinking.

We are very jealous and envious creatures. I guess that's why Jesus tells us to guard our hearts against all kinds of greed.
I notice how it seeps into pastors and ministries.
Too many pastors put emphasis on the size of their ministry: The size of the church building, the size of the budget, the size of the members. For a church to be successful, it seems like it has to be big. (I don't think a church should be defined as "successful" in my opinion. I like the term "effective. But that's just me.)

When the church across from you is blessed with a revival and growth, it's easy to get envious of that church and that pastor. It's easy to say, what is she doing that i'm not? What's he got that i don't? And then it's easy to think, well if i had what she has, i'd be just as effective...

I think that's why so many people just end up leaving churches for others.
We compare with other churches, and see what that church has to offer compared to the current church.
That church has a lot of people, and this one doesn't, i think i fit better with that church.
This church has some political problems, that church seems to get along, i'd better switch.

But we never realize that when we move to a different church or a different job, we switch old problems with new ones. We turn in one set of problems at the old site only to receive a whole new set at the new site.

It's sad how we can't be happy with what we have. And i speak for me too.
We always want something newer, something bigger and something faster. The problem with that is, the new gets old and there's always going to be something bigger and faster.

Too many times we count what we don't have, and we missed how blessed we truly are.

And when we have God, God is more than enough.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
And how true are those words. When we have God in our lives, what more could we ask for?

We always think that the grass is greener on the other side.
But the truth is, the grass is greener where we water it.


(Thoughts from Max Lucado and Doug Fields are interwoven with my thoughts on this post. Just thought I'd let you know.)

It's Wednesday

This week is moving slow. Or actually i feel like i'm moving slow.
I just feel lazy, and that's not good.
I have all these things to do, but i'm putting it off. Which is real bad.

Today, our bed comes in. Yay. I guess then we can start living in the new place. We spent all of yesterday cleaning up the place. That was a lot more tiring than i thought.

Today, i missed Mass. Not because i slept in, but because my brother took a shower this morning. By the time he came out, it was already too late.
So instead, i read a little scripture and spent time in prayer. But no gym. haha. It's raining. I didn't feel like going out.

I just have tons of things to do.
I have to prepare 3 sermons and a bible study.
We have our praise night this Friday, and i'm going to give a short message. I'm looking forward to this praise night. It's been a while since we had one.
The praise night message, i think, will be about love and worship.

And then i have the two Sunday sermons to prepare for.
In other words, i have no time to dilly dally.
but dilly-dallying is one of my favorite things to do.

This picture really touched me.
Although Dwight Howard was totally jobbed from the dunk contest. (MJ, what were you thinking?)


I can do everything through him who gives me strength

Whew

I am tired.
I sprained my ankle pretty severely last December. (I made a trip to the ER because i thought i may have broken something).

So i stopped all physical activities.
Until today.
Today was our flag football day.
I couldn't keep up, and i felt really upset that i couldn't. No matter how old you are, i don't think the competitive spirit ever goes away... well maybe that applies to me. I don't like losing. Especially to my youth kids... well anyone, actually...

anyway, i realized that i'm terribly out of shape. Not to mention the rolls that are forming in my midsection. I used to be fit.. *sigh*

This brings me to the topic of Lent.
I know way too many people that treat Lent as a short term New Years resolution type of deal. Like giving up chocolates or fast food. I'm not saying that's bad, but they don't apply that in being closer to God, or reflecting on the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. And of course, i did that quite often.

Well, this year, i was going to hit the gym faithfully, until i started asking myself, how does that help me spiritually?
And i couldn't really come up with an answer that would satisfy me.

So this Lenten Season, I decided to wake up early and attend Mass at a nearby church. Instead of taking something away, i decided to add something onto my daily routines that will bring me closer to God.
I never attended Mass before, and that was the only morning option i had. I could've gone to our Early Morning Prayer service that my dad's church holds and my current church holds... but the entire thing is in Korean... AND it's at 530 in the morning, whereas Mass is at 8am.
I just need to be tactful and discipline in my Spiritual life, and i figure this was a great way to jump start that.

AND, if i feel up to it, i'll hit the gym after Mass. however, i feel that it's a big "if"...

Moving In

We can start moving in this week.
I'm just too busy to actually move in, but it's nice to know we finally have a place to call our own.
The house is big, especially by Hawaii standards, and the rent is not too bad.

Looks like i'm really growing up now.

I told the wife the next logical step is to have a baby.

she disagrees.

It's Late

And that's never good for me, because that's when the mind just starts to wander.
Tomorrow, the Wife has an interview with the Department of Education. She's trying to get a job as a teacher. I hope that is what God has in store for us.

Also, tomorrow my dad is going to the hospital to check his prostate gland. Something about his blood count or whatever being higher than it should, and when that happens, cancer is likely.
It's just a little... i don't know... i can't find the word.

I am hoping for the best scenario, but i can't keep from my head the worst scenario.
And i'm sure that's in part because it's so late.

I don't know when it happens, but it's an age of recognition when you realize that your dad isn't the superman you once thought he was.
Given my Superman obsession, maybe my kids'll think i'm Superman for a while.
Though he may not be able to bend steel with his bare hands, be faster than a speeding bullet, or jump tall buildings in a single bound (Superman, originally, couldn't fly. He just jumped really high and really far. that's why it's jump tall buildings in a single bound) but my dad is still the Superman i thought he was when i was little.

Everything is going to be fine.
And to add a cherry on top, perhaps the Wife will be employed.

Finances

I worry too much about finances.
I wish i didn't. It just adds unnecessary stress.
But the truth is, it's hard to make a living with the salary i am given. Maybe if i lived by myself.
But at the same time, my parents have done this for years, and with my mother never earning a second source of income.
How?
Through prayer. My dad is a prayer and fasting warrior. And it's so amazing how prayers are answered for my family and father.
My dad resigned from a church when we used to live in Santa Barbara through unnecessary church politics that would not allow my dad to do God's ministry.

My dad was later given a church to start from scratch. Basically, my dad had no income for his family. What did my dad do? Turn to prayer and fasting.
What happened?
He got a call from a family in Orange County who once heard my dad speak at a revival. Called and said that he felt moved to provide some financial help for my dad and his family. That family in OC gave my father 2000 a month for about 2 years.

I don't know how my dad felt during those times. I don't know if he felt as anxious as i do quite often. I can learn from him, though.
Turning to prayer can help... i don't expect God to send money my way, but i do expect the 'peace of God that transcends all human understanding will guard [my] heart in Christ Jesus.'

I just put too much worry and anxiety into this.
And every time, i have certain passages that come to heart.
Such as, do not worry, for even the sparrows are taken care of, and how much more precious am i than the birds (paraphrasing).

I just need to worry less and trust more.

Another Update

today, we got a call saying that our application for the house we wanted were accepted and that we could move in this weekend.
We originally wanted to buy a house, but that proved to be too expensive, especially in Hawaii. it's ridiculously expensive. So we decided to rent, and this house was the best one that we saw.
So starting this weekend, no longer in our parent's house and no longer have to share a twin size bed.

On another note, today at Ala Moana, we saw the guy that plays Sawyer on Lost. he was walking really fast. i didn't have a camera. so we just stared at him and his Asian date walking away from us. He was walking fast.

=)

Getting Along With Your Boss

So Marty Schottenheimer was fired from the Chargers because, basically, he couldn't get along with AJ Smith.
And Marty is a good coach. He's turned around 4 franchises. Just never really got it done in the playoffs (5-13 in playoffs).
He finished the season with a 14-2 record. The last coach to get fired after a 14 win season was in the 20's. (how do i know that? i don't know).

But today as i was coming home from church, i was listening to ESPN radio and they were talking about no matter how good you're at your job, it doesn't really matter if you cannot get along with your boss, which is why Marty got fired.

I keep forgetting how much humility is needed to be working at church (and of course elsewhere).
I personally feel that i do not need to completely like the people i work with. when there's that many people involved, it's expected that i won't like everyone. but it's imperative that i respect them and love them, and find ways to mutually exist. and that requires tremendous amount of humility.

Looking back, so many problems in the churches i've been involved in could've been resolved with a little humility.

At this church, my relationship with the senior pastor (my boss) is ... weird. It's not bad. I just don't think there's that much relationship there. It's hard working with 1st Generation Koreans. Basically, i feel like the senior pastor has given me freedom to do whatever i think is necessary until i screw up.
While i like that freedom, i don't think it's the healthiest way to do ministry.
And i wouldn't be surprised if other Korean church youth pastors feel that way.

I just realized i could go on a whole different tangent on the relationship between first generation koreans and the second generation. but i'll save that for later.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I have to be at church. So the wife and i are celebrating today.

Nothing Important to Say

I'm just a little tired from the weekend.
I have nothing to post. Today was supposed to be my day off, but it sure didn't feel like it.
I met with my mentor to kick off the candidacy process. better late than never.

there just seems to be so much unnecessary stuff...

We also had River of Life tonight. It's a homeless shelter, and every other month, we go help serve dinner to the less fortunate.

I guess what bothers me about that is some of the adults that we work with feel good about their work that they did that day.
i'm sure it's helpful, but it's such a small amount.
i'm grateful that they come out and help, but we shouldn't go home thinking that we did enough.

I'm trying to shop around my Les Paul Special Humbucker guitar to see what i can trade it in for, or how much i can get with it. (something in my heart tells me to be happy with what i have).
I love the guitar, but i'm leaning a little bit towards Fender guitars right now.
But if i can't find a good deal, i'll definitely be happy with my "Baby."


I'm sorry i wasted your time. My mind is just tired, and i need to go to bed.

What's Taking Jesus So Long...

So like i posted earlier, we decided that the sermons on Sundays and Bible Studies on Fridays will be based on the Apostle's Creed. The bible studies will be taking my sermons deeper...

anyway, so this Friday was the first Bible Study.
We have 10 small groups, and i don't lead one, so i get to choose which one to sit in on.

I sat in one of the 10th grade ones, and it was rather interesting. I know my bible study lessons aren't the best and most fun things in the world... but it gets interesting when kids take some of the questions, and start reflecting on what things mean to them and so forth...

The group started talking about creation, and one got off on a tangent of different planets and life on other planets and if they believe in God, and if God created them and so forth.
The guy was talking about maybe God made an alternate universe across the galaxy where in this planet, Adam and Eve didn't take the apple... it got pretty weird (he's a weird kid, a good boy, but a tad bit weird.) heh.

then another boy chimed in saying that the universe just seems too big and too vast for us to be the only form of life.
then he became silent.
then he said, "OH! maybe that's what's taking Jesus so long for him to come back to us. He's stopping by all these other planets before he gets to earth."

I couldn't stop laughing.

i love our kids.

Keeping Sabbath

I think one of the most annoying questions or comments that i get from people are: you must have an easy job (because i only work on sundays) and what do you all the other days?

I don't think many realize how busy all pastors are.
We don't have set hours. Sure, i have office hours that i keep, but just because it's outside office hours, i am not going to ignore someone who is in desperate need.
"pastor joe, my father just died of a heart attack..."
"hey, i'm really sorry, but let's talk about this tomorrow, it's really not my office hours.."

yikes.
and the Korean churches just expect too much out of their pastors. they expect pastors to do a lot of work, and be very holy and upright, to compensate for their guilty feelings.
I specifically told them that i wanted to concentrate on youth when i got here.
but instead, i'm doing both youth and young adult ministries. not only that, on wednesdays, i have to do children's ministry stuff. i downplay how much i can speak Korean, because then i'd be doing a lot more. every time someone asks me something in Korean, i reply in English. I know it's bad, and dishonest, but it's for the sake of my sanity and preventing myself from burning out.

that's why Sabbath is so important.
At seminary, i never did well to give time for me. When it wasn't school, it was church work. When it wasn't church, it was school stuff.
by the end of my 3rd year, i was tired and more impatient with the kids that i ministered to.
It's amazing how one can get lost in the work at the church.
it's even more amazing how one can get so caught up in doing God's work and lose sight of God.

The biggest problem of the Korean-American pastors is that they burn out too quickly. That has to do with the pressure and expectation from the Korean church. It's also because many Korean-Americans don't understand the concept and importance of Sabbath.

we let our service exceed our worship
and we allow increasing our ministry to decrease our intimacy with God.
It's just that many of us equate our spiritual health with our doing God's work, the more i do, the more spiritual i am.
and that leads us into trouble.

I don't think the adults understand the fact that i keep myself away from all church stuff on Mondays, unless it's an emergency.
It's a nice way to just refresh my mind and refocus on what is ahead of me and bask in the glory of God.
I don't care that they understand, but they should be thankful, because the fact i'm doing this, i'll be able to serve them, their youth, and God much longer.

At The Church Office

My office is in like the basement part of the church. When i'm in my office, i'm basically segregated from the world. Everyone's upstairs, but i'm downstairs all by my lonesome self. Not only that, i don't have internet. Our church still uses AOL (!!!). I haven't had dial up since i was in high school. And i realized how much i depend on Internet to get some work done. Basically, i don't like spending time in the office, and i try to avoid it as much as possible. Instead, i set up my office at the Starbucks across the street. Still no internet (i'm not paying for the T-mobile hotspot) but at least i get to people watch, which always provides as a good distraction from the work. heh.

Anyway, today i was the office, i parked my car right in front so i could kinda see my car from the window when i stand. I was in there for the most part of the time i was at church.

When i decided to leave, i saw that the driver's door wasn't closed all the way. i thought it was rather odd because i knew i shut all the door. So i walked closer and saw that someone went through my car.
The radio face was taken out and it was on top of the seat. There were envelopes and receipts scattered around the car. The glove compartment had been opened. But nothing was missing and thank God. I just got the car radio for Christmas from my wife. My iPod was in the glove compartment (the car radio is for my iPod.)

I concluded that it was a homeless person who just looked for some quick cash, because i couldn't possibly understand why everything was still there.

I also tried to figure out when this happened. I was at the office pretty much all day, except for a couple of minutes where i had to run upstairs to the main office to pick up mail. Maybe it was when i was trying to pick praise songs for Sunday worship and i was playing the guitar.
I don't know, but i'm going to be more careful now.

That concludes my post for the day.

Good night, everyone.

Superbowl XLI

Ah.
Well, i was rooting for the underdog, but oh well.

I'm just bummed that football season is over.
At least the Wizards are doing well (Gilbert Arenas, MVP?)

I have hope for next season of the NFL.
Jason Campbell had a strong finish. The Defense played better at the end of the year. Sean Taylor continues to be a monster as a safety.
The Redskins will definitely do better than this disappointing season.

I'm happy for Tony Dungy.


Well, this week will be spent at Waikiki and Ala Moana in hopes to catch a glimpse of NFL pro-bowlers.

Couple of years ago, my brother got me a football with LaRoi Glover (Cowboys) and Pisa Tanoimosa (Rams) autographs. But most impressive? that football also has Chad Johnson's.

We will see how Operation NFL Pro Bowl will fare this week.

Early Morning Prayer Service

It's more of a Korean Christian thing, i guess.
They hold a service early in the morning, starting around 5 or 530a.
Usually, they hold one everyday. Members come, pray and go to work. I guess it's almost like a morning Mass, but much earlier.

Well, our youth group has one too. (that's saying a lot, because i am NOT a morning person).
We are not as ambitious as the adults. We hold one every first saturday of each month at 530a.

Today was our Early Morning service.
I led a group of 7 students in prayer. And it was a great time.

Afterwards, we drove back home, and (what else?) went back to bed.

At 8 in the morning, i get a phone call.

I wake up, look at the clock and started freaking out.
I jumped out of bed and yelled, "Oh CRAP!"
the wife, startled, woke up and said, "what's wrong?"

i started panicking and told her, it's 8am!! it's 8am! i overslept. i slept through the morning service!!!

she just looked at me and said, 'stupid... we came back from the service. remember? you prayed for everyone???"

oh.

i felt really stupid and awkward.
she just rolled her eyes at me.

.. i went back to bed.. relieved.. but feeling stupid.

Blogging

Last night, the wife and i took out her cousin throughout the island. Her cousin is a flight attendant for Korean Air Lines, and she had a day off in our island.
We had dinner at this nice Japanese restaurant. Afterwards, we decided to go to Waikiki and walk around.

As we were walking out of the parking lot, the wife says that it's getting cold and asked if i could run back to the car to get her sweater from her backpack.
So i go back to the car, i find the sweater and started walking over to join the wife and the cousin.

As i was walking through the cars, i feel something wet hit me right above the chest. I had no idea what it was, and since it was rather dark, i couldn't see.

So i moved toward the street lights and saw an enormous sized bird poop on my shirt. I didn't even see nor hear any birds, and yet, there's this bird poop on me.
I couldn't believe it.

We stopped by a Starbucks, grabbed some water and napkins, and the wife helped me try to rub it off.
After our work, there was this large, dark, wet stain on my shirt.

I didn't care at all. Which was funny. Had this been 4 years ago, i would've freaked out, and walked into a store and buy a new shirt so i wouldn't be seen with such a stain.
I guess i am growing older and more mature...

actually, i think the real reason is that i'm married now.
I don't have to worry about looking good all the time or trying to impress anyone.

Heh.

John Wesley

I've been trying to better myself in anyway possible to become a better and more effective preacher.
So recently, i started reading out loud Martin Luther King Jr.'s sermons from Strength to Love. I've been preaching it to myself, as if it was my own sermons.

Then this past week, in my bookshelf at the office, i saw a blue book that i completely forgot about: John Wesley's Sermons: An Anthology.

I remember not really paying attention in my Methodist History and Doctrine class in seminary. (I never was a good student, even in the graduate level). And i also remember just skimming through the sermons just enough to write papers on it.
So i figured, why not?
And it will do me good to "reread" this book and to (hopefully) remember somethings i learned in the Doctrine class.

So i opened up the book.
Instantly i realized why i didn't pay attention in class.

It's not that the sermons are boring, there are things in there that i can quote and use in my sermons to the youth. But, i don't know what it is.

I, however, thought that this "punishment" would help me in the long run (like when i have to write all those papers in the candidacy process).

Today, i tried using the book as a daily devotion.

Hopefully, i have the discipline to keep going.

it's for the best...

Sleepless in Hawaii

Man.
No caffeine today... unless you count that one can of Pepsi.
Perhaps it's all in my head. I can't fall asleep.
And yes, the wife is sound asleep... no nevermind, she just complained i'm typing too loud on my laptop.
I should, then wrap this up before i feel the wrath of a woman who can't fall asleep.
(right now, i'm typing as slow and quietly as i can.)

I just think i have a lot of stuff on my mind. I tend to lose sleep when i have to think. perhaps because my brain is not used to being used this much...

But i've been given a lot of thought on the type of pastor i am, at this moment.
I've been asking myself, would i be a pastor that i'd want?

And i came with the answer: well, no not really.

I'm too comfortable in my comfort zone. I'm such an introvert that it does effect the way i do ministry. It takes a lot out of me to talk to new kids that enter the church. It takes a lot for me to search out and network.
The crazy and stupid thing is, i know i need to be more extroverted to be more effective.
Here lies my biggest problem that i see: i tend to wait for people to come to me.

That in my opinion is rather terrible. I should go to the youth that i serve instead of waiting for them to come to me.

My father (who is also a pastor) said that a ministry is effective when it uses both the head and the heart. But more from the heart.
That's my dad's theory. I tend to agree.
the problem is, i think i've been doing ministry completely with my head.
The bigger problem? I'm not that smart. =)

Youth Ministry, in particular, is all about the relationships.
And sadly, in my six months here, those relationships have been happening, but within the church setting only.
I need to get out more. I need to be in the missions field, rather than observe it from afar.
I want to be the best that i can possibly be in serving God.
And i am a firm believer that i can't be all too effective if i am in my comfort zone.

I am all too aware that God uses the weak to lead the strong.

My prayer is that God will equip me where i am weak, and humble me where i am strong.


Oh, and that i'll get some sleep throughout the week.