There was something that a previous pastor used to always tell our kids and it frustrated me so much.
He kept asking our kids to bring in friends, new members to our church. Each Sunday, during announcements, if there wasn't anyone new, he would say "c'mon guys! We need to start bringing people. If we don't bring new people, our ministry is a dead ministry! We're dying!"
I can't tell you how much it upset me to hear that.
It almost wanted me to ask what was his purpose of his ministry? To make it physically big as possible?
For all my seminary career and so far in my ministry career, numbers has been the last thing on my mind. Blame it on my professor of youth ministry and Doug Fields, but I've been putting extra effort into not thinking about number.
If i hold an activity and event, i don't think it's a failure if 2 people show up. Sure, i'll be disappointed, that's natural, but if we fulfill the purpose of the activity and event through those 2 people, then what we aimed to do was a success.
I'm not saying that having a big church is wrong or not. But we shouldn't deem a church more "successful" if they are bringing in 3000 members compared to the church down the street who has 30 members.
My focus has been to have a growth spiritually with our kids. If God chooses to bless us by having us multiply in numbers, that's great! If we stay the same size yet we are becoming more mature in our spirituality, that's awesome!
That's a hard mentality to keep with my church.
I think the elders and the pastor expects some physical growth within the first year of my ministry here to see if i'm doing my job.
It saddens me that some have to think like that.
I know i'll hear grumbling if our youth size stays the same for the next two years. the saddest thing is that they'll never know how God is working through those youth, because all they want to see is physical results.
I honestly don't know the exact size of our youth group and many people don't understand why i don't know.
I like to keep it that way, for many reasons.
Oops, must get ready for tonight.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
My Court Date
Earlier this month, I received my first speeding ticket.
But it shouldn't count because it was so unnecessary and unfair.
We were going down this road, which is a downhill.
There were three cars, literally, surrounding me. It's a two lane road, so i had a car in front of me, next to me and behind me. We were ALL going the same speed, which was about 40 mph in a 25 mph zone.
Then at the bottom of the hill, we see two motorcycle cops with laser guns, so naturally all of us slowed down immediately.
As we're passing he signals me to pull over. So I did.
And when i pulled up to him, he asks his partner "Hey, is he the one?" which infuriated me.
I thought, since he wasn't sure and we were all going the same speed, he'd let me off with a warning. Nope.
He gave me a ticket for going 41 in a 25 zone and the ticket came out to 137 dollars.
Great.
So I mailed in the ticket and said I wanted to contest it in person, because i really felt that i was done wrong.
Yesterday at 9am was my court date.
And i had no idea what to expect. This is my first time at court.
It's finally 9, the judge walks in, we all stand up, blah, blah, blah.
Now i'm getting my defense ready.
I was going to tell him that the cop wasn't sure it was me, because he had to ask "Is he the one?" Not only that, but I was going with the flow of traffic.
Any good driver's ed teacher will tell you, it's safer to go with the flow of traffic than it is to obey the speed limit. Accidents happen when drivers go faster or slower than the flow of traffic. So if the flow of traffic is going 40 at a 25 zone, it's safer to go 40.
My name is called up, and I go to the front. He asks me, for the record, to state my name, i do so.
Then he goes over my file and asks, do you admit or deny the charge.
And i had to think. I did go 40, there's no doubt about that.
I told the judge, I admit the charge.
Then he just said, "Okay, since you admitted, i'll knock down you fine. Instead of 41, i'll mark it down to 30 in a 25 zone. Take a seat and wait for your papers."
I ended up paying $25 for the ticket and $47 for court fees, which is still less than 137.
But it got me thinking.
How many times do we justify and find excuses for the things we've done wrong?
I was happy with the decision.
And we should just ask for forgiveness, instead of trying to justify our actions.
But it shouldn't count because it was so unnecessary and unfair.
We were going down this road, which is a downhill.
There were three cars, literally, surrounding me. It's a two lane road, so i had a car in front of me, next to me and behind me. We were ALL going the same speed, which was about 40 mph in a 25 mph zone.
Then at the bottom of the hill, we see two motorcycle cops with laser guns, so naturally all of us slowed down immediately.
As we're passing he signals me to pull over. So I did.
And when i pulled up to him, he asks his partner "Hey, is he the one?" which infuriated me.
I thought, since he wasn't sure and we were all going the same speed, he'd let me off with a warning. Nope.
He gave me a ticket for going 41 in a 25 zone and the ticket came out to 137 dollars.
Great.
So I mailed in the ticket and said I wanted to contest it in person, because i really felt that i was done wrong.
Yesterday at 9am was my court date.
And i had no idea what to expect. This is my first time at court.
It's finally 9, the judge walks in, we all stand up, blah, blah, blah.
Now i'm getting my defense ready.
I was going to tell him that the cop wasn't sure it was me, because he had to ask "Is he the one?" Not only that, but I was going with the flow of traffic.
Any good driver's ed teacher will tell you, it's safer to go with the flow of traffic than it is to obey the speed limit. Accidents happen when drivers go faster or slower than the flow of traffic. So if the flow of traffic is going 40 at a 25 zone, it's safer to go 40.
My name is called up, and I go to the front. He asks me, for the record, to state my name, i do so.
Then he goes over my file and asks, do you admit or deny the charge.
And i had to think. I did go 40, there's no doubt about that.
I told the judge, I admit the charge.
Then he just said, "Okay, since you admitted, i'll knock down you fine. Instead of 41, i'll mark it down to 30 in a 25 zone. Take a seat and wait for your papers."
I ended up paying $25 for the ticket and $47 for court fees, which is still less than 137.
But it got me thinking.
How many times do we justify and find excuses for the things we've done wrong?
I was happy with the decision.
And we should just ask for forgiveness, instead of trying to justify our actions.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Jump 2007
This is the fourth event that I have attended with the name Jump.
National Youth Worker's Convention of 2005 was Jump.
My winter retreat of 2005 was named Jump.
My winter retreat at my new church in 06 was jump.
Now this at the biggest Korean church in Hawaii.
Almost everything is in Korean so it's been a little bit difficult for me and some of the kids at church from my church.
But the amazing thing? I think the kids are still learning and feeling the presence of God, despite the language barrier.
I believe that God is going to do something amazing for our church and for the state of Hawaii.
The world is going to see how God is moving in this tiny island of ours.
National Youth Worker's Convention of 2005 was Jump.
My winter retreat of 2005 was named Jump.
My winter retreat at my new church in 06 was jump.
Now this at the biggest Korean church in Hawaii.
Almost everything is in Korean so it's been a little bit difficult for me and some of the kids at church from my church.
But the amazing thing? I think the kids are still learning and feeling the presence of God, despite the language barrier.
I believe that God is going to do something amazing for our church and for the state of Hawaii.
The world is going to see how God is moving in this tiny island of ours.
Friday, March 23, 2007
New Office Space
Well, I complained about my office space. Problem solved, I guess.
I got moved out of the basement office and replaced at the upstairs office with everyone else. Good news? I'm no longer isolated and no longer in that messy, stuffy room. Bad news? My desk space is really small... and I have to come in more regularly, (haha.. i know that sounds horrible) and I have to look busy (that sounds worse).
It's like a bullpen as a friend said. We don't have cubicles, so everyone can see everyone. Like right now, I bet the secretary and the associate pastor think I'm doing something important, since I've been typing away. Little do they know I'm actually updating my blog!!! (-_____-)
But, I do prefer being up here than downstairs.
And the best part of it is that they FINALLY came to their senses and got a cable ISP and wireless internet.
And this is good for me because no one up here is that great with their English. It'll force me to speak more Korean and on top of that, it'll force me to be social once in a while and talk to them.
But for those of you who think I don't do anything productive... you're only half right.
Whatever that means.
I got moved out of the basement office and replaced at the upstairs office with everyone else. Good news? I'm no longer isolated and no longer in that messy, stuffy room. Bad news? My desk space is really small... and I have to come in more regularly, (haha.. i know that sounds horrible) and I have to look busy (that sounds worse).
It's like a bullpen as a friend said. We don't have cubicles, so everyone can see everyone. Like right now, I bet the secretary and the associate pastor think I'm doing something important, since I've been typing away. Little do they know I'm actually updating my blog!!! (-_____-)
But, I do prefer being up here than downstairs.
And the best part of it is that they FINALLY came to their senses and got a cable ISP and wireless internet.
And this is good for me because no one up here is that great with their English. It'll force me to speak more Korean and on top of that, it'll force me to be social once in a while and talk to them.
But for those of you who think I don't do anything productive... you're only half right.
Whatever that means.
Music
I love leading praise.
There's something just moving. And when we're doing really well, when i really feel the Spirit moving through us, i don't see anyone else around me. It's the most incredible feeling i have felt in my short years of ministry. I can't see anyone else nor can i hear them. I just feel the presence of God all around us.
I've always wanted to write praise songs.
never was a good writer... words hardly come to me.
But just lately, i've had all this melodies just floating around my head. and i decided, why not?
So i laid some stuff down on my computer.
It's been a stress reliever and it's been fun.
I was messing around today, and did this: click here.
It's just a rough draft of what was in my head today...
so that's that. i think i am keeping my wife awake. so i better stop all the typing and go to bed.
=)
There's something just moving. And when we're doing really well, when i really feel the Spirit moving through us, i don't see anyone else around me. It's the most incredible feeling i have felt in my short years of ministry. I can't see anyone else nor can i hear them. I just feel the presence of God all around us.
I've always wanted to write praise songs.
never was a good writer... words hardly come to me.
But just lately, i've had all this melodies just floating around my head. and i decided, why not?
So i laid some stuff down on my computer.
It's been a stress reliever and it's been fun.
I was messing around today, and did this: click here.
It's just a rough draft of what was in my head today...
so that's that. i think i am keeping my wife awake. so i better stop all the typing and go to bed.
=)
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Faith
Do you remember the story where Peter walks on water? (or attempts to?)
People often feel that "if Peter had enough faith, he would've been able to walk on water."
Perhaps we should look at it in a different light.
If Peter had enough faith, he would've never stepped out of the boat and onto the water.
He would've believed the statement Jesus made, which was similiar to the "I AM" statement that God made to Moses.
Faith isn't doing something miraculous, or just based on miraculous things happening.
Faith isn't about walking on water, because only God can do that, (Job 9:8; Isa 43:16; 51:9-10 Hab 3:5) for example. (from commentary)
Faith is the ability to believe in the face of all evidence that God is here with me.
So have faith.
Perhaps...
you're barely making ends meet
you're contemplating a future that doesn't seem so bright
you're lost in your life and can't seem to find your way
your family isn't what it should be
your family is falling apart
you have a medical problem
We all face storms that will rock the little boats that we are riding. Some of us are in the midst of a storm, and it doesn't seem like it's going to let up any time soon.
But have faith. As Jesus was with his disciples through both storms in the sea, God is with you. God is for you. And God loves you.
I wrote that a long time ago.
Today, I came across it again.
I needed to read that.
It's amazing of how quickly I can forget that God is with me.
Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
People often feel that "if Peter had enough faith, he would've been able to walk on water."
Perhaps we should look at it in a different light.
If Peter had enough faith, he would've never stepped out of the boat and onto the water.
He would've believed the statement Jesus made, which was similiar to the "I AM" statement that God made to Moses.
Faith isn't doing something miraculous, or just based on miraculous things happening.
Faith isn't about walking on water, because only God can do that, (Job 9:8; Isa 43:16; 51:9-10 Hab 3:5) for example. (from commentary)
Faith is the ability to believe in the face of all evidence that God is here with me.
So have faith.
Perhaps...
you're barely making ends meet
you're contemplating a future that doesn't seem so bright
you're lost in your life and can't seem to find your way
your family isn't what it should be
your family is falling apart
you have a medical problem
We all face storms that will rock the little boats that we are riding. Some of us are in the midst of a storm, and it doesn't seem like it's going to let up any time soon.
But have faith. As Jesus was with his disciples through both storms in the sea, God is with you. God is for you. And God loves you.
I wrote that a long time ago.
Today, I came across it again.
I needed to read that.
It's amazing of how quickly I can forget that God is with me.
Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The Holy Spirit
Tomorrow sermon is the "I believe in the Holy Spirit" part of our Apostle's Creed sermon series.
I was trying to think back on what i was taught about the Holy Spirit when i was in Sunday school. I realized that i couldn't think of many times we really discussed the Spirit. We talked a lot about God and Jesus.
And i think churches still do that. I think the Spirit becomes the lesser of the Trinity. Like a really big celebrity's brother. i.e. Casey Affleck. Charlie Murphy. Haley Duff. Tito Jackson. and so forth.
Why do we spend so much time on God and Jesus, but not so much on the Holy Spirit?
I was trying to think back on what i was taught about the Holy Spirit when i was in Sunday school. I realized that i couldn't think of many times we really discussed the Spirit. We talked a lot about God and Jesus.
And i think churches still do that. I think the Spirit becomes the lesser of the Trinity. Like a really big celebrity's brother. i.e. Casey Affleck. Charlie Murphy. Haley Duff. Tito Jackson. and so forth.
Why do we spend so much time on God and Jesus, but not so much on the Holy Spirit?
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Are You Worth 2 Billion?
I like sports. And as many sports fans, i have favorite teams too.
In the NFL, i root for my beloved Redskins. Though many disagree that you can have 2 teams you root for, i still am a Patriots fan. Every year i want the Skins and Pats at the superbowl with the Skins taking it all. Of course, that's just never going to happen. At least for a long time.
In the NBA, no one beats Agent 0 and his "HIBACHI!" with the Washington Wizards.
For MLB, i don't like to watch baseball much... but i just felt that i needed a team to root for. I didn't want to go along with the Nationals. I don't like the Yankees, and since i like Tom Brady and the Pats, I decided to root for the Red Sox.
And there's soccer. I've been watching a lot of soccer, because there's a soccer channel available. Outside of Korea, i root for England in the world cup. And the team i've taken a liking to is Chelsea FC. Wow, this was the longest and most pointless set up to my entry.
So the owner of Chelsea FC has been married for 15 years and has 5 kids. But lately, he has been seen with this woman:
So reports have it that the owner gave his wife 2 billion (yes, 2 BILLION) dollars to divorce her so that he can be with the woman pictured above. (Daria Zhukova).
I personally don't think the new lady is worth 2 billion dollars.
Is anyone? Perhaps..
But it's almost funny (or rather, sad) of the state that we live in. I'm sure there are many out there who may now feel, "man if i had that much money, i'd buy out of my marriage too."
It's sad that marriage doesn't have the same meaning as it once did.
Just in case you're wondering,
2 billion may be just enough for me to get interested in your offer.
I'm priceless, baby, priceless.
=)
In the NFL, i root for my beloved Redskins. Though many disagree that you can have 2 teams you root for, i still am a Patriots fan. Every year i want the Skins and Pats at the superbowl with the Skins taking it all. Of course, that's just never going to happen. At least for a long time.
In the NBA, no one beats Agent 0 and his "HIBACHI!" with the Washington Wizards.
For MLB, i don't like to watch baseball much... but i just felt that i needed a team to root for. I didn't want to go along with the Nationals. I don't like the Yankees, and since i like Tom Brady and the Pats, I decided to root for the Red Sox.
And there's soccer. I've been watching a lot of soccer, because there's a soccer channel available. Outside of Korea, i root for England in the world cup. And the team i've taken a liking to is Chelsea FC. Wow, this was the longest and most pointless set up to my entry.
So the owner of Chelsea FC has been married for 15 years and has 5 kids. But lately, he has been seen with this woman:
So reports have it that the owner gave his wife 2 billion (yes, 2 BILLION) dollars to divorce her so that he can be with the woman pictured above. (Daria Zhukova).
I personally don't think the new lady is worth 2 billion dollars.
Is anyone? Perhaps..
But it's almost funny (or rather, sad) of the state that we live in. I'm sure there are many out there who may now feel, "man if i had that much money, i'd buy out of my marriage too."
It's sad that marriage doesn't have the same meaning as it once did.
Just in case you're wondering,
2 billion may be just enough for me to get interested in your offer.
I'm priceless, baby, priceless.
=)
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, Monday, MONDAY
I got up early today so that i could get down to Kailua, meet my mentor and take my first psychological assessment test.
I had to answer many weird questions, but it only took me an hour to do both the booklet and the "Finish the Sentence" questions. I hope they don't think i'm crazy. At least not more than i really am.
But the drive to and back from Kailua was what i enjoyed the most.
It was just marvelous.
I know in my heart that i will not be in Hawaii forever. I'll probably leave when i get ordained... and that has at times, caused some mild island fever. But days like today tell me that Hawaii is forever my home and why i like it so much.
It wasn't a beautiful sunny day. it was cloudy and about to rain. but how the clouds just lingered right below the mountain tops.. i just loved it. Where else in the world can you see beautiful green mountains on your left and look on to your right and see a bright blue and clear ocean waters?
It's amazing.
In other news, i went to see 300 today.
It was really really good and i enjoyed it thoroughly. The visuals were fascinating and i was absorbed into the story. I didn't think the Wife would enjoy it, but she loved it, which made it even better.
(out of 5).
Good day off.
I'm ready to start my week.
I had to answer many weird questions, but it only took me an hour to do both the booklet and the "Finish the Sentence" questions. I hope they don't think i'm crazy. At least not more than i really am.
But the drive to and back from Kailua was what i enjoyed the most.
It was just marvelous.
I know in my heart that i will not be in Hawaii forever. I'll probably leave when i get ordained... and that has at times, caused some mild island fever. But days like today tell me that Hawaii is forever my home and why i like it so much.
It wasn't a beautiful sunny day. it was cloudy and about to rain. but how the clouds just lingered right below the mountain tops.. i just loved it. Where else in the world can you see beautiful green mountains on your left and look on to your right and see a bright blue and clear ocean waters?
It's amazing.
In other news, i went to see 300 today.
It was really really good and i enjoyed it thoroughly. The visuals were fascinating and i was absorbed into the story. I didn't think the Wife would enjoy it, but she loved it, which made it even better.
(out of 5).Good day off.
I'm ready to start my week.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Growing Up
Today I found out that my friend got engaged to her long time boyfriend. In December, another friend got engaged to her long time boyfriend. Three of my friends are married now. We're growing up. And fast, it seems like.
It's was like yesterday (and i can't believe i'm using that phrase...) that i just moved to Mililani and i was trying my best to make good friends that'll last a long time. And i have. We were silly and goofy high school kids doing high school stuff. Now we no longer live in the safety cushion of high school. We don't have college over our heads. It's finally the real world.
My best friend is heading out to Seattle to pursue a full-time career in nursing, and maybe traveling around the world in that field.
I have a friend who started his own local business in the music industry. And from what i've seen, he's successful. He got to hang out at Jack Johnson's house(!!!!).
It's only a matter of time before my other friends get engaged. One's living in New York and seems likely to head to a career in the military.
Life does come at you fast, doesn't?
Yesterday we were worrying about what to wear to school, to look cool, to be cool, to trying to see if the girl you like liked you back.
Today, we are worrying about bills, making sure we don't fail, getting jobs that will be our careers.
And for me? I want kids. I know it's not a competition or anything, but i would to be the first of my friends to have a kid. That way my kid can bully all the rest of em. (heh).
Times sure have changed.
I remember how i wanted to be so much older when i was young. I wanted to be an adult, and quick.
Now that i am an adult, sometimes i wish i was a kid again.
Time is funny.
They said that there is no better teacher then Time. Time is the greatest teacher. But Time kills all of her students.
It's was like yesterday (and i can't believe i'm using that phrase...) that i just moved to Mililani and i was trying my best to make good friends that'll last a long time. And i have. We were silly and goofy high school kids doing high school stuff. Now we no longer live in the safety cushion of high school. We don't have college over our heads. It's finally the real world.
My best friend is heading out to Seattle to pursue a full-time career in nursing, and maybe traveling around the world in that field.
I have a friend who started his own local business in the music industry. And from what i've seen, he's successful. He got to hang out at Jack Johnson's house(!!!!).
It's only a matter of time before my other friends get engaged. One's living in New York and seems likely to head to a career in the military.
Life does come at you fast, doesn't?
Yesterday we were worrying about what to wear to school, to look cool, to be cool, to trying to see if the girl you like liked you back.
Today, we are worrying about bills, making sure we don't fail, getting jobs that will be our careers.
And for me? I want kids. I know it's not a competition or anything, but i would to be the first of my friends to have a kid. That way my kid can bully all the rest of em. (heh).
Times sure have changed.
I remember how i wanted to be so much older when i was young. I wanted to be an adult, and quick.
Now that i am an adult, sometimes i wish i was a kid again.
Time is funny.
They said that there is no better teacher then Time. Time is the greatest teacher. But Time kills all of her students.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Leave 99...
In the Bible, Jesus tells a parable of how the shepherd would leave 99 sheep behind to find the one that wandered away.
And i feel that thought should be applied into ministry. But how much easier said than done it is. We have a group of college boys that have all the potential in the world. They would apply themselves more in church and into our ministry, but they don't want to seem weak (or whatever) in front of the others. They're waiting for one of them to make the move into becoming a serious Christian, then the rest will follow suit. But it's not going to happen. When they're alone, it'll be easier for them to open up, but when they're together, they just front.
So i decided it's time to go and actively "pursue" these guys, meaning, just hang out on a one-on-one basis and get to know them more and encourage them to come to the young adult service instead of the youth and to attend young adult bible studies.
When i saw the need to do this, i was surprised of how... inconvenient it all was. I honestly don't want to do it. I feel like i have too much other things that i need to do, like find a retreat site for our young adult summer retreat... (which is now getting more impossible) or like trying to figure out what to do for a mission trip this summer (and i'm running out of time). Not to mention the regular hustle and flow of church work. It just seems like i have million other things to do then try to reach out to a bunch of college boys.
How wrong is that?
In thinking like that, i forgot one of the most important part of being a pastor (at least for me): tending souls. Who cares if we don't get a site for the summer retreat? We'll improvise. If i don't get a mission trip planned, the church isn't going to fire me. But if i get one, just one of these boys to open up their hearts for Christ... that i feel is what God would want me to do...
On top of that, i can't help but think of times when i strayed away...
The image of the shepherd leaving the 99 to find the one has become more powerful to me, only because i realize how hard it really is... and how "inconvenient" in can seem to be. And it shows how much we are loved by our Creator.
And i feel that thought should be applied into ministry. But how much easier said than done it is. We have a group of college boys that have all the potential in the world. They would apply themselves more in church and into our ministry, but they don't want to seem weak (or whatever) in front of the others. They're waiting for one of them to make the move into becoming a serious Christian, then the rest will follow suit. But it's not going to happen. When they're alone, it'll be easier for them to open up, but when they're together, they just front.
So i decided it's time to go and actively "pursue" these guys, meaning, just hang out on a one-on-one basis and get to know them more and encourage them to come to the young adult service instead of the youth and to attend young adult bible studies.
When i saw the need to do this, i was surprised of how... inconvenient it all was. I honestly don't want to do it. I feel like i have too much other things that i need to do, like find a retreat site for our young adult summer retreat... (which is now getting more impossible) or like trying to figure out what to do for a mission trip this summer (and i'm running out of time). Not to mention the regular hustle and flow of church work. It just seems like i have million other things to do then try to reach out to a bunch of college boys.
How wrong is that?
In thinking like that, i forgot one of the most important part of being a pastor (at least for me): tending souls. Who cares if we don't get a site for the summer retreat? We'll improvise. If i don't get a mission trip planned, the church isn't going to fire me. But if i get one, just one of these boys to open up their hearts for Christ... that i feel is what God would want me to do...
On top of that, i can't help but think of times when i strayed away...
The image of the shepherd leaving the 99 to find the one has become more powerful to me, only because i realize how hard it really is... and how "inconvenient" in can seem to be. And it shows how much we are loved by our Creator.
Friday, March 9, 2007
It's Been a While
Hello everyone.
Well, i don't think anyone reads this.
But, i finally got internet capabilities at the new house.
YAY!
This past week was just ... not good.
I had to go to the ER last Saturday. The 3rd time in like 7 months.
I got a wrong diagnosis from the ER doctor.
I ended up having gout. Yea, gout. And i'm only 26. People over 40s get gout. So that made me a little concern.
It was very painful, and now i have all this work i need to do that i couldn't because of the pain.
This entry is short, but i will be updating again.
=)
Well, i don't think anyone reads this.
But, i finally got internet capabilities at the new house.
YAY!
This past week was just ... not good.
I had to go to the ER last Saturday. The 3rd time in like 7 months.
I got a wrong diagnosis from the ER doctor.
I ended up having gout. Yea, gout. And i'm only 26. People over 40s get gout. So that made me a little concern.
It was very painful, and now i have all this work i need to do that i couldn't because of the pain.
This entry is short, but i will be updating again.
=)
Thursday, March 1, 2007
My Last Months At KUMC of GW
I was talking to a friend about Ethics class in seminary. He was asking me about the professor he has, whom i also had for my ethics.
Dr. Wheeler was one of my favorite professors at Wesley and i really learned a lot from her.
Two of my proudest moments in Seminary were:
In preaching class, Dr. McClain looked at me square in the eye after i gave a sermon in front of him and the class (we had to preach a sermon, then after we were done, the entire class sits in front of you and they tell you what they liked and what they didn't like, and the professor lays his final judgment, s0-to-speak) and Dr. McClain says to me (i've been intimidated by his presence all semester) "you can preach, boy. don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."
Another proud moment was when i received an A on an Ethics paper in Dr. Wheeler's class. The paper was a sermon on homosexuality and she really liked it, and even suggested that i preach to the youth kids.
So after much thinking, i finally decided i would do so. I knew that i was going to leave the church in about a month or two, and i just wanted the kids to know that we are called to love any and every one.
So i went and preached that sermon.
And i did a fairly good job preaching it.
After i was done, that's when the drama ensued.
The head youth pastor called my and the other part-time youth pastor and fellow seminarian into his office and sat us down and locked the door.
He started yelling at me about how i was promoting homosexuality to the kids and how i was going against his teachings. He was upset that because he thought i told the kids to go to see Brokeback Mountain, because he told the kids not to go see it because of the homosexual content. In my sermon i said, "we were told not to go see Brokeback Mountain. I feel we shouldn't see it because it's another way Hollywood promotes and glorifies extra-marital affairs."
Then he started attacking the things that i preached, and how i use the pulpit improperly. I was rather offended, because he, a month ago preached to the kids that interfaith marriage is unclean, and if a Christian marries a non-Christian, it was light mixing with darkness. He fully knew that they were more than a handful of kids who had a parent that didn't go to church. He also knew that one of the students sitting there had a hard time coming to church because her mom was dead against Christianity. Not only that, he once told us that a student came to him and was struggling with his sexual identity and wasn't sure if he was homosexual or not. The very next Sunday, he prays (from nowhere, really) "May you convict the hearts of the homosexuals. Have them turn from their evil ways and let them see the light."
Since he never revealed the identity of the kid, i was praying that that kid was not present when that prayer was prayed.
He then basically banned me from preaching to the high school kids (we had a separate worship on Sundays for jr. high and sr. high). I said fine, less work for me anyhow, and left the meeting.
Then, he accuses me of swearing at him. He said that i flicked him off as i was leaving the office. The other part-time had his head down, so he didn't see anything, but he confirmed that i did not use any swear words, which i was also accused of. I thought to myself, am i back in jr. high school?
Before i left church that Sunday, i stopped by the Sr. Pastor and wrote him a letter of what happened. I basically said, I preached about homosexuality, the head youth pastor is upset, and some parents might be upset, because he is upset. And i apologized for the headache that i will cause him.
The head youth pastor apparently saw that as a threat and asked me why i went to the senior pastor behind his back. I explained that i wasnt going behind anyones back, but that i was informing the senior pastor so that he doesn't get blindsided just in case someone else was upset as he was over the sermon.
Anyway, that was the end of a long Sunday.
We had a staff meeting on Tuesday, just the three of us, and throughout the meeting, it was as if i never existed. He had his body turned away from me and never acknowledged my presence. When the other part-timer went to the bathroom, he finally acknowledged my presence and said, "i have a meeting with [the senior pastor] today. but don't worry, i won't tell him about the unfortunate event where you swore at me."
I kept my mouth shut, but i thought to myself, i already told the pastor that you thought i swore at you. But i didn't, and the other part-timer witnessed the entire thing and also says that i never swore.
He did go to see the senior pastor. I don't know what he expected to happen, but i knew that it wasn't what he wanted.
I received an email from the senior pastor and he told me that what i did was okay. that he supports my theology and sermon (i had sent him a copy because i was advised to). He said the issue was probably that i preached without the head youth pastor's permission (which i agreed and understood). He said that he asked his son (who was in the youth group) about the sermon. His son replied that it was the best sermon he has heard since he was at KUMC. He was challenged to think differently, and was challenged to just love.
A part of me, honestly, felt good, but mostly relieved that i wasn't in trouble with the senior pastor.
The relationship between myself and the head youth pastor was pretty much non-existent, though i tried my best to restore before i left. (I eventually sent a letter after i moved out, and i was told he was very appreciative of the letter.)
But what i felt the worst about was that he was already in a lot of trouble. There were things that he was doing that even i felt uncomfortable with, and i wasn't supposed to know about it but found out through outside parties.
This disagreement was the straw that broke the camel's back, well that and my leaving too. I'm not saying i was such an integral part... but we had a good yin-yang going on in the youth ministry. We complemented each other fairly well. And at times, i think i served as the buffer zone.
As soon as i left, i heard things from my friend, the other part-timer, that it's not going well. Within 3-4 months, the head youth pastor resigned (with pay for the rest of the year).
It was a sad way to end things... but it was going to happen sooner or later. I just felt bad it had started with me.
I wish he really listened to what i was preaching. I wasn't promoting homosexuality in the sermon.
But what i was promoting was love. We are all God's children, regardless of our race, gender and sexual orientation. And in the eyes of God, we are all sinners, no one is better than the next. We are all given grace, equally and freely. And that we should extend the grace and love we received to our neighbors.
Dr. Wheeler was one of my favorite professors at Wesley and i really learned a lot from her.
Two of my proudest moments in Seminary were:
In preaching class, Dr. McClain looked at me square in the eye after i gave a sermon in front of him and the class (we had to preach a sermon, then after we were done, the entire class sits in front of you and they tell you what they liked and what they didn't like, and the professor lays his final judgment, s0-to-speak) and Dr. McClain says to me (i've been intimidated by his presence all semester) "you can preach, boy. don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."
Another proud moment was when i received an A on an Ethics paper in Dr. Wheeler's class. The paper was a sermon on homosexuality and she really liked it, and even suggested that i preach to the youth kids.
So after much thinking, i finally decided i would do so. I knew that i was going to leave the church in about a month or two, and i just wanted the kids to know that we are called to love any and every one.
So i went and preached that sermon.
And i did a fairly good job preaching it.
After i was done, that's when the drama ensued.
The head youth pastor called my and the other part-time youth pastor and fellow seminarian into his office and sat us down and locked the door.
He started yelling at me about how i was promoting homosexuality to the kids and how i was going against his teachings. He was upset that because he thought i told the kids to go to see Brokeback Mountain, because he told the kids not to go see it because of the homosexual content. In my sermon i said, "we were told not to go see Brokeback Mountain. I feel we shouldn't see it because it's another way Hollywood promotes and glorifies extra-marital affairs."
Then he started attacking the things that i preached, and how i use the pulpit improperly. I was rather offended, because he, a month ago preached to the kids that interfaith marriage is unclean, and if a Christian marries a non-Christian, it was light mixing with darkness. He fully knew that they were more than a handful of kids who had a parent that didn't go to church. He also knew that one of the students sitting there had a hard time coming to church because her mom was dead against Christianity. Not only that, he once told us that a student came to him and was struggling with his sexual identity and wasn't sure if he was homosexual or not. The very next Sunday, he prays (from nowhere, really) "May you convict the hearts of the homosexuals. Have them turn from their evil ways and let them see the light."
Since he never revealed the identity of the kid, i was praying that that kid was not present when that prayer was prayed.
He then basically banned me from preaching to the high school kids (we had a separate worship on Sundays for jr. high and sr. high). I said fine, less work for me anyhow, and left the meeting.
Then, he accuses me of swearing at him. He said that i flicked him off as i was leaving the office. The other part-time had his head down, so he didn't see anything, but he confirmed that i did not use any swear words, which i was also accused of. I thought to myself, am i back in jr. high school?
Before i left church that Sunday, i stopped by the Sr. Pastor and wrote him a letter of what happened. I basically said, I preached about homosexuality, the head youth pastor is upset, and some parents might be upset, because he is upset. And i apologized for the headache that i will cause him.
The head youth pastor apparently saw that as a threat and asked me why i went to the senior pastor behind his back. I explained that i wasnt going behind anyones back, but that i was informing the senior pastor so that he doesn't get blindsided just in case someone else was upset as he was over the sermon.
Anyway, that was the end of a long Sunday.
We had a staff meeting on Tuesday, just the three of us, and throughout the meeting, it was as if i never existed. He had his body turned away from me and never acknowledged my presence. When the other part-timer went to the bathroom, he finally acknowledged my presence and said, "i have a meeting with [the senior pastor] today. but don't worry, i won't tell him about the unfortunate event where you swore at me."
I kept my mouth shut, but i thought to myself, i already told the pastor that you thought i swore at you. But i didn't, and the other part-timer witnessed the entire thing and also says that i never swore.
He did go to see the senior pastor. I don't know what he expected to happen, but i knew that it wasn't what he wanted.
I received an email from the senior pastor and he told me that what i did was okay. that he supports my theology and sermon (i had sent him a copy because i was advised to). He said the issue was probably that i preached without the head youth pastor's permission (which i agreed and understood). He said that he asked his son (who was in the youth group) about the sermon. His son replied that it was the best sermon he has heard since he was at KUMC. He was challenged to think differently, and was challenged to just love.
A part of me, honestly, felt good, but mostly relieved that i wasn't in trouble with the senior pastor.
The relationship between myself and the head youth pastor was pretty much non-existent, though i tried my best to restore before i left. (I eventually sent a letter after i moved out, and i was told he was very appreciative of the letter.)
But what i felt the worst about was that he was already in a lot of trouble. There were things that he was doing that even i felt uncomfortable with, and i wasn't supposed to know about it but found out through outside parties.
This disagreement was the straw that broke the camel's back, well that and my leaving too. I'm not saying i was such an integral part... but we had a good yin-yang going on in the youth ministry. We complemented each other fairly well. And at times, i think i served as the buffer zone.
As soon as i left, i heard things from my friend, the other part-timer, that it's not going well. Within 3-4 months, the head youth pastor resigned (with pay for the rest of the year).
It was a sad way to end things... but it was going to happen sooner or later. I just felt bad it had started with me.
I wish he really listened to what i was preaching. I wasn't promoting homosexuality in the sermon.
But what i was promoting was love. We are all God's children, regardless of our race, gender and sexual orientation. And in the eyes of God, we are all sinners, no one is better than the next. We are all given grace, equally and freely. And that we should extend the grace and love we received to our neighbors.
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