Growing Up

Today I found out that my friend got engaged to her long time boyfriend. In December, another friend got engaged to her long time boyfriend. Three of my friends are married now. We're growing up. And fast, it seems like.
It's was like yesterday (and i can't believe i'm using that phrase...) that i just moved to Mililani and i was trying my best to make good friends that'll last a long time. And i have. We were silly and goofy high school kids doing high school stuff. Now we no longer live in the safety cushion of high school. We don't have college over our heads. It's finally the real world.

My best friend is heading out to Seattle to pursue a full-time career in nursing, and maybe traveling around the world in that field.
I have a friend who started his own local business in the music industry. And from what i've seen, he's successful. He got to hang out at Jack Johnson's house(!!!!).
It's only a matter of time before my other friends get engaged. One's living in New York and seems likely to head to a career in the military.

Life does come at you fast, doesn't?
Yesterday we were worrying about what to wear to school, to look cool, to be cool, to trying to see if the girl you like liked you back.
Today, we are worrying about bills, making sure we don't fail, getting jobs that will be our careers.

And for me? I want kids. I know it's not a competition or anything, but i would to be the first of my friends to have a kid. That way my kid can bully all the rest of em. (heh).

Times sure have changed.
I remember how i wanted to be so much older when i was young. I wanted to be an adult, and quick.
Now that i am an adult, sometimes i wish i was a kid again.

Time is funny.

They said that there is no better teacher then Time. Time is the greatest teacher. But Time kills all of her students.

It's Late

And that's never good for me, because that's when the mind just starts to wander.
Tomorrow, the Wife has an interview with the Department of Education. She's trying to get a job as a teacher. I hope that is what God has in store for us.

Also, tomorrow my dad is going to the hospital to check his prostate gland. Something about his blood count or whatever being higher than it should, and when that happens, cancer is likely.
It's just a little... i don't know... i can't find the word.

I am hoping for the best scenario, but i can't keep from my head the worst scenario.
And i'm sure that's in part because it's so late.

I don't know when it happens, but it's an age of recognition when you realize that your dad isn't the superman you once thought he was.
Given my Superman obsession, maybe my kids'll think i'm Superman for a while.
Though he may not be able to bend steel with his bare hands, be faster than a speeding bullet, or jump tall buildings in a single bound (Superman, originally, couldn't fly. He just jumped really high and really far. that's why it's jump tall buildings in a single bound) but my dad is still the Superman i thought he was when i was little.

Everything is going to be fine.
And to add a cherry on top, perhaps the Wife will be employed.

Sleepless in Hawaii

Man.
No caffeine today... unless you count that one can of Pepsi.
Perhaps it's all in my head. I can't fall asleep.
And yes, the wife is sound asleep... no nevermind, she just complained i'm typing too loud on my laptop.
I should, then wrap this up before i feel the wrath of a woman who can't fall asleep.
(right now, i'm typing as slow and quietly as i can.)

I just think i have a lot of stuff on my mind. I tend to lose sleep when i have to think. perhaps because my brain is not used to being used this much...

But i've been given a lot of thought on the type of pastor i am, at this moment.
I've been asking myself, would i be a pastor that i'd want?

And i came with the answer: well, no not really.

I'm too comfortable in my comfort zone. I'm such an introvert that it does effect the way i do ministry. It takes a lot out of me to talk to new kids that enter the church. It takes a lot for me to search out and network.
The crazy and stupid thing is, i know i need to be more extroverted to be more effective.
Here lies my biggest problem that i see: i tend to wait for people to come to me.

That in my opinion is rather terrible. I should go to the youth that i serve instead of waiting for them to come to me.

My father (who is also a pastor) said that a ministry is effective when it uses both the head and the heart. But more from the heart.
That's my dad's theory. I tend to agree.
the problem is, i think i've been doing ministry completely with my head.
The bigger problem? I'm not that smart. =)

Youth Ministry, in particular, is all about the relationships.
And sadly, in my six months here, those relationships have been happening, but within the church setting only.
I need to get out more. I need to be in the missions field, rather than observe it from afar.
I want to be the best that i can possibly be in serving God.
And i am a firm believer that i can't be all too effective if i am in my comfort zone.

I am all too aware that God uses the weak to lead the strong.

My prayer is that God will equip me where i am weak, and humble me where i am strong.


Oh, and that i'll get some sleep throughout the week.

Caramel Macchiato

I think the caffeine from my macchiato is keeping me awake.
it's 212 am, and i can't fall asleep. the wife fell asleep awhile ago. and it was making me upset that she was breathing loudly and off to dream land while i lie in bed and watch the minutes pass by.
it doesn't help that at this moment, we're still in my parent's house, and have to share my bed as a youth, which is a twin size bed.
i may end up sleeping on the floor... at least she's sleeping. one of us needs a good night's sleep.
it's just that in 7 hrs, i'll be heading towards my messy office (which i hate to be in. i don't know why i keep office hours during the school year. all the youth are in school... )

i don't like staying awake at nights because my mind starts to wander. and a lot of times, it wanders to places i never like to visit.

I wish i could go to bed. i can't do much because i don't want to wake up the wife. she tends to get cranky when i do.

i feel like i have so many things to do this week, and the more i think about them, the more i can't sleep. i try not to think about church and stuff. but i can't help it.
ultimately, all my late night thoughts come back to God. and from there, church usually follows.

we're in the middle of house hunting.
hawaii's just too darn expensive. i just feel ill of the though of paying for a 300,000+ house that has 3 rooms and is 1000 sq ft in size. yea.

but we need to move out soon. it'll do both of our sanities well.

well, as i soon i press "publish" i am going to go (quietly) back into our twin size bed, which the wife right now has a commanding possession of the bed space... and just count the sheep.

i wish you all a better night.