John Wesley

I've been trying to better myself in anyway possible to become a better and more effective preacher.
So recently, i started reading out loud Martin Luther King Jr.'s sermons from Strength to Love. I've been preaching it to myself, as if it was my own sermons.

Then this past week, in my bookshelf at the office, i saw a blue book that i completely forgot about: John Wesley's Sermons: An Anthology.

I remember not really paying attention in my Methodist History and Doctrine class in seminary. (I never was a good student, even in the graduate level). And i also remember just skimming through the sermons just enough to write papers on it.
So i figured, why not?
And it will do me good to "reread" this book and to (hopefully) remember somethings i learned in the Doctrine class.

So i opened up the book.
Instantly i realized why i didn't pay attention in class.

It's not that the sermons are boring, there are things in there that i can quote and use in my sermons to the youth. But, i don't know what it is.

I, however, thought that this "punishment" would help me in the long run (like when i have to write all those papers in the candidacy process).

Today, i tried using the book as a daily devotion.

Hopefully, i have the discipline to keep going.

it's for the best...

Sleepless in Hawaii

Man.
No caffeine today... unless you count that one can of Pepsi.
Perhaps it's all in my head. I can't fall asleep.
And yes, the wife is sound asleep... no nevermind, she just complained i'm typing too loud on my laptop.
I should, then wrap this up before i feel the wrath of a woman who can't fall asleep.
(right now, i'm typing as slow and quietly as i can.)

I just think i have a lot of stuff on my mind. I tend to lose sleep when i have to think. perhaps because my brain is not used to being used this much...

But i've been given a lot of thought on the type of pastor i am, at this moment.
I've been asking myself, would i be a pastor that i'd want?

And i came with the answer: well, no not really.

I'm too comfortable in my comfort zone. I'm such an introvert that it does effect the way i do ministry. It takes a lot out of me to talk to new kids that enter the church. It takes a lot for me to search out and network.
The crazy and stupid thing is, i know i need to be more extroverted to be more effective.
Here lies my biggest problem that i see: i tend to wait for people to come to me.

That in my opinion is rather terrible. I should go to the youth that i serve instead of waiting for them to come to me.

My father (who is also a pastor) said that a ministry is effective when it uses both the head and the heart. But more from the heart.
That's my dad's theory. I tend to agree.
the problem is, i think i've been doing ministry completely with my head.
The bigger problem? I'm not that smart. =)

Youth Ministry, in particular, is all about the relationships.
And sadly, in my six months here, those relationships have been happening, but within the church setting only.
I need to get out more. I need to be in the missions field, rather than observe it from afar.
I want to be the best that i can possibly be in serving God.
And i am a firm believer that i can't be all too effective if i am in my comfort zone.

I am all too aware that God uses the weak to lead the strong.

My prayer is that God will equip me where i am weak, and humble me where i am strong.


Oh, and that i'll get some sleep throughout the week.

A Turn For the Worse

As you may recall, we recently had a student pass away from cancer.
I wrote about how seeing the father just broke my heart, because he didn't have strength.
I just found out that the father also has cancer.
He was given 6 months to live around the time his daughter heard the same news about her.
He was going to donate organs to his daughter, and during routine checkups, they found cancer in his liver.
He didn't go through with the treatment, because he wanted to concentrate on his daughter improving.

When i heard the news, i was just stunned.
how much more can this family endure?

What is it that we, as pastors, can do in situations such as these?

Caramel Macchiato

I think the caffeine from my macchiato is keeping me awake.
it's 212 am, and i can't fall asleep. the wife fell asleep awhile ago. and it was making me upset that she was breathing loudly and off to dream land while i lie in bed and watch the minutes pass by.
it doesn't help that at this moment, we're still in my parent's house, and have to share my bed as a youth, which is a twin size bed.
i may end up sleeping on the floor... at least she's sleeping. one of us needs a good night's sleep.
it's just that in 7 hrs, i'll be heading towards my messy office (which i hate to be in. i don't know why i keep office hours during the school year. all the youth are in school... )

i don't like staying awake at nights because my mind starts to wander. and a lot of times, it wanders to places i never like to visit.

I wish i could go to bed. i can't do much because i don't want to wake up the wife. she tends to get cranky when i do.

i feel like i have so many things to do this week, and the more i think about them, the more i can't sleep. i try not to think about church and stuff. but i can't help it.
ultimately, all my late night thoughts come back to God. and from there, church usually follows.

we're in the middle of house hunting.
hawaii's just too darn expensive. i just feel ill of the though of paying for a 300,000+ house that has 3 rooms and is 1000 sq ft in size. yea.

but we need to move out soon. it'll do both of our sanities well.

well, as i soon i press "publish" i am going to go (quietly) back into our twin size bed, which the wife right now has a commanding possession of the bed space... and just count the sheep.

i wish you all a better night.

Day Off

Today was my day off, as Mondays are.
Nothing interesting ever happens.

i like the fact that it's rather uneventful, because i'm a rather uneventful guy. i'm just too inwardly focused, and therefore, not social and boring.
But i got married. So, i don't have to worry about not being myself to impress the ladies.

This past Sunday, our staff thought it might be best to start from the basic of basics in our teachings.
Surprisingly, that's a little harder than i thought. i don't know why. it shouldn't be. but it is.

i decided a good place is to start with what i did my systematic paper: break down the apostle's creed.

embarrassingly, i don't have that memorized.

actually, as a pastor (and a seminary graduate), i have many things i'm embarrassed about.

maybe these information will come out in future posts, and you can all laugh at me.

by you, i mean me.

since i'm the only one who really reads it. =)

Burial Service

This morning was the burial service.
I hadn't seen the father of the girl for a while.
He didn't come to the funeral service last night.

But i saw him today.
And i couldn't even begin to imagine what he must have been going through.

Literally, it looked like his life was sucked out from him.
He could barely walk or move. And he just look like he was going to pass out at any moment.

As natural as death is to life, it's unnatural that a parent has to his/her child.

Though there is nothing i can do for the girl who passed away, there is a family there who needs, not just my support and love, but everyone else's.

I always feel that my calling was bigger than who i am, but it becomes more evidently clear in moments like these.
This is why i know that ministry is something that humans can't do alone.

by the grace of God...

Hesitiation

Today we had a funeral service for a twelve year old who passed away from cancer.

When i got the news that she only had about a week to left, i was surprised at the first emotion that came to mind: hesitation. (okay, that's not really an emotion).

I knew that i had to visit her. I knew that it was my duty to be there, and at least comfort her, even if she isn't conscious.

But i waited just one day to go. Because i hesitated. Because i was scared.

And because i hesitated, i was not able to see her alive.

I am ashamed of myself for showing such lack of judgment.
I made this entire situation about me, about my weakness and faults, instead of focusing on what really mattered, the girl.

it was a valuable lesson that i learned, that came at a great price.