S-S-SPIDER!

Last night, the Wife and I were watching TV.
All of a sudden, the Wife says to me, "Did you see that?" pointing to the wall behind the TV.
I didn't see anything. As I turn to tell her, "There's nothing there" I see something moving fast from the corner of my eye.
I looked back at the wall.
And there it was.
A spider. A huge spider. With its legs, it was at least 3 inches wide. That's a big spider.
And here's the dilemma.
I hate spiders. I hate them as much as I am afraid of them.
This one time in seminary, there was a spider in my room. I couldn't kill it.
So I went around the dormitory trying to find if anyone was there. The only person I could find was a female student that was in my covenant disciple group. I... had to ask her to come into my room and help me dispose of the spider.
I had no pride left.

So the Wife and I are staring at each other, while I can feel the spider burning eight holes in me with its eight eyes.
I can tell by the look in her eyes, she's expecting me to kill this spider. And she can tell from my eyes that I'm scared of this three inch monstrosity.

But being the dutiful husband, I grab my slipper and start walking toward the spider.
As I move toward the spider, the spider moves closer, on the wall, towards me.
I was three feet away from the spider, and I can't decide what to do.
I can't move towards the spider, because I'm afraid it'll jump and eat me.

So I did what I thought was the most logical at the time: I threw the slipper at the spider. I hit it. But not hard enough. It ran under the love seat.
Since the wife couldn't lift the love seat, it was now her responsibility to kill the spider, as I held up the love seat.
She missed.
The spider now crawled under the bigger couch.

Great.

So I look behind the couch, and the spider is not under the couch, but it's on the back staring straight up at me.
The wife is yelling, "Do you see it?"
And I just stare into the eyes of the spider.
It's either him or me.

Without breaking eye contact, I grab a curtain pole that was not set up, and start slamming away.

I did it!
It was dead!
I was victorious! .... Until i realized one of us had to dispose of the smashed and crunched up spider lying on the carpet.

So using that same pole, I tried to brush the spider onto the newspaper. But the newspaper was too thick for the spider to slide onto.

Eventually, the wife got frustrated at my slow pace and unintelligent method and was able to get the spider into its final destination: the toilet.

We flushed the toilet.
And I saw my former foe going in circles, deeper and deeper to his final destination.

When it was all said and done, I couldn't leave the bathroom.
Every time I flush an insect or spider down the toilet, I'm always afraid that it'll crawl back out.

I waited.
Nothing.
I flushed the toilet again, this time, just put a couple of sheets of toilet papers so that if the spider somehow came back alive and started crawling out, it'll get caught by the incoming toilet paper.
I waited again.
Nothing.

I was satisfied.

Me: 1
Spiders: 0

I hope this is the last encounter with spiders that big.
But something tells me it's not...